Im sick. LIKE REALLY REALLY SICK. It kind of screws up my whole entire plan for this week. I can't do my rebonding, I probably cant appear for the gathering with my friends, I might not be able to work, I might not be able to go for class gathering, I dunno what is happening to me.

This is really scary. I've slept for 24 hours and I still dont feel well. My head hurts when I stand up, my butt aches when I sit up, My fever is coming and going, I feel dizzy when I stand up and i almost felt like vomiting. It is so terrifying I wanted to cry. I just prayed earnestly to HIM to settle my heart. The first time I am so reliant on my family. I sent a msg to my sister "Hurry up come back, I feel awful."

Lord just be with me. Im worried about myself and I know others are worried about me to. Please just take all the uncomfortable feelings away from me and heal me.

I haven't posted for the longest time. let me just say thestuff that i wanted to update but was really lazy to.

About a month plus a few days ago, I received a call. I was totally caught unaware. It was a sunday and I wasn't in church. WHICH I TATLLY OUGHT TO STOP DOING. I was watching shows on my computer when my phone rang. It was a number that i didn't know who it was from but i figured might be the office. So i picked it up.

*Hello, can i speak to Grace please*
*Uh huh*
*Is this Grace? Your dad wants to talk to you. Hold on for a while*

I stunned. TOTALLY STUNNED. my heart beat was beating so fast within the next 5 seconds while waiting for him to come to the phone. His first words, voice,it suddenly became real. How long has it been? He told me he had only 5 mins to talk. First thing that went through my mind was how on earth am i gonna last through the 5 mins?

He asked where I was, how I am, how i am with my family members,why I wasn't in church, if I received his letters, why I didn't reply them, how I and my sister look like now and if i could send him a letter and our pic. As much as he could, he spoke in english. Seeing how he was trying to express his concern in 5 mins for me, I teared. It was dumps period for me. Felt like no one cared for me. I was so alone. Just me, myself and I. But no, I forgot the Father that was always by my side no matter where i was and he reminded me that there will always be someone caring for me, even if he is not able to be by my side. After I ended the call, Ithroughly cried. It was too much emotional struggle for me.

It seems like it's a cycle.

Anyway,on that, was working for birthday party yesterday. 1 year old baby. Imagine the price. 4000 plus ok. And they called for another catering also. My goodness. The baby is so lucky. I wish i was her. To live in such a nice house, to have such nice cousins, to have such a great party at just 1 year of age.

Never had such a party. Not for my birthday.It was never a great highlight of the year for me with presents raining on me. Nope, never happened.

OH and I realised I really pretty pathetic being restricted by money time and time again. IT SUCKS BIG TIME. Im getting so so so so so so sick of it. SERIOUSLY. It's like playing a huge joke on me.

MONEYISSUCHANEVILTHING.

I have alot alot alot alot of things to say. This week was really crap and alot of things happened.
It was an emotional rollercoaster.

First let me just talk about something that got me really really upset.

Ok you know how i always hit people. I honestly don't know why i do that but it's just something i can't control. And to me it's like if i deem myself to be an okay friend and we are quite close to joke around and stuff, i'll hit you. Not meant as to purposely hurt you or whatsoever but just a friendly thing that i do. I mean if i don't talk to you about that much stuff, i probably won't hit you.

And another thing you would have noticed if you eat with me. I tend to try other people's food and don't mind sharing food cos it just makes food taste better when you do that. For me that is lah. BUT I at least have basic manners ok. Even if I don't verbally ask if i can have some, my fork will hover halfway before taking a bit of your food. If you are so particular about hygiene and violently object you can always just SAY SOMETHING to stop me there and then. I mean I would understand.

BUT firstly, you are a work friend and my church mate from the english side. You are the sarcastic type of guy which I absolutely hate. But because you and I have more than just work relations, I tried to tolerate it. Just keep my temper and try to talk less. Well since we don't usually bump into each other, i tend to be overly friendly. Hence the hitting and stuff. Then when we were in the canteen together, I just didn't want the awkwardness to stay. So while I tried my damn best to talk about stuff, ending up hitting you sometimes SOFTLY, you could only say more sarcastic stuff. Honestly, I was reaching my limit, then you turned nasty. All i was doing was being friendly. And how the hell am i suppose to read you with all the sarcasm? Taking your food was seen as a rudeact by you. But i did "ask" since i didn't just immediately take a bit of your food. YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING. The worst part was when you immediately started talking about hygiene and when i didn't know what was *******, you went on to say how my teachers haven't be teaching me well and i should repeat school again.

I FREAKING HAVENT STUDIED THE DAMN THING OK. SO YOU ARE SMART. OK I GET IT. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN RUN DOWN PEOPLE LIKE THIS OK.

It just totally hit a spot in me which i have a hard time admitting to. That i forget stuff that i learn. WHICH DOES NOT FREAKING FEEL GOOD. I feel so dumb and that im wasting my time cos anyway i will forget.

THAT POINT I already gave up trying to be friendly to you. WHY SHOULD I TRY SO HARD.

AND YOU. MY FRIEND. DIDN'T FREAKING HELP ME AT ALL. OK WHAT CRAP ABOUT LIKING ME IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME. I WAS ON THE VERGE OF CRYING OK.

but i held back.

GUYS LIKE THAT DO NOT DESERVE MY TEARS.

After getting so angry I forgot what else I have to blog about.


OHHHHHHHHHH anyway I was so busy this week, having to carry my stuff ALL BY MYSELF everywhere I go that I got so pissed, wishing that I had A TALL, STRONG, RICH, DRIVE OWN CAR boyfriend. I got so fed up i wanted to throw everything on the floor.


So i was just joking to mel that maybe i should audition people to be my bf.
HAHAHHA

ANYONE? TALL, HANDSOME, STRONG, RICH, AND DRIVES A CAR???
Apparently mel knows one. HAHAHHA

I TOTALLY MESSED UP MY WHOLE LIFE.

Have so much in my mind I just feel like dying.

Did i ever say before i can't multi-task? I DID?
I FREAKING CAN'T.


TOO MUCH TOO MUCH.

10am to 2 am, 10am to 3pm? STUDYSTUDYSTUDY.
Consultation, report due, presentation, TEST. ALL ON MONDAY

Tell me im not looking forward to monday. Im NOT.


My posts are all so short nowadays. I want to type more but my brain can't handle it now.

I forgot what i wanted to post.

BUT ANYWAY LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I BOUGHT! (or rather what i blew 70 bucks on)

A NICE BIG BAG

















In comparison to my laptop. YEA IT'S HUGE:) hahha but it's nice.

I HAVE A BRUISE ON MY FOURTH FINGER:( wanted to take a picture of it but my phone cam is LOUSY. I WANT A NEW PHONE.

DAMN IM SO BROKE NOW. Waiting for my pay again. Only gonna get 200 odd i think. SO LITTLE:(

"Wait for the guy that pursues you, the one that makes every day seem magical, the guy that makes you feel so amazing about yourself and can make you smile every minute you are with him. Wait for the guy who shows you off to his friends when you are in sweats, but appreciates when you get all dolled up for him. Wait for the guy who puts you at the center of his universe, because obviously he will be at the center of yours."

This is what i got from a friend's blog. Not a close friend. HAHAH considering her reaction when we happen to bump into each other after our batch graduated from school.

It is the believe that someone like that exist that keeps me going.
Someday. Just someday.

SCHOOL IS SUCH AN ASS NOW. REALLY.

There's a shitload of things to do but i just cannot get down to do ALL the work. Each day, school is passing faster and faster. MID SEMS ARE SOON.

GRACE YOU ARE SO SUPER FRIED.

I HAD A BLACK OUT AT MY AUNT'S HOUSE JUST NOW.

I hate the dark more then anything. I thought that it was my aunt who suddenly decided to switch off all the lights in the house at one go and I panicked. Then after 5 secs i realised there's no such switch at home. HAHAHHA I was super panicky and started thinking HOWHOWHOW.

All the what ifs came to my mind.

HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA BATHE.
HOW AM I GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH.
HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.
HOW AM I GONNA USE MY PHONE AND LAPTOP.

Oh yea cos i was so suay that every electronic items i own were all running out of batt. So me and my aunt were at home waiting for my uncle to come back and save the day. HAHAH AND HE DID. Felt so much more comfortable when the lights came back on.

ANYWAY YOU KNOW OF THIS SONG?
YOU BELONG WITH ME - TAYLOR SWIFT

It's such a sweet music video. GO WATCH IT. LIKE NOWNOWNOW. want to update about ssm but shall leave it for another day.

DON'T MIND ME.

This is going to be an emo post.

You know how facebook was a trend? How you had to be on facebook to be considered cool. And when you are not, people give you that weird look and keep telling you to join facebook?

Well I was one of those who think facebook was a waste of time. But still joined after numerous pesters. It was when i really had nothing to do. So on joining facebook for the first time, I didn't quite get the hang of it. It was so WOAH. Infomation overload man. After a while, like how typically i would get bored of things, I got bored of facebook and explored it lesser, wasting less time on it.

Now I realise how even a a popular tool like facebook can't really help you to maintain relationships. It just lets you look into your friend's life from afar. AND IT SUCKS. It becomes SO OBVIOUS.

It just makes me think what the hell have I been doing. Why am i working so hard for the $$$? What is my life about now? Everyone has moved on for quite a distance, for the better. How about you? I guess I haven't been able to face it all. Im just so superficial now.


I CAN'T FREAKING STAND YOU GRACE LIM CI EN.


It's hard to get back to who i am.
wait.

Just who the hell am I?

Today was a torturous day.
Started at 9 am till 3am?

First was a VIP lunch for a chinese state councilor. IT WAS CRAPPY. There was this new sales manager. I think he's from china so i thought he was with the guests. Then obviously if he's with the guest i would just listen to him what right. So what happened was that we were already rushing with the preparation of the room then he came along and asked us to change the menu thrice. It was annoying me i guess cos it was only my table that had menus.

Then the SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF PART came during service. I felt damn offended. A point to note ah, I still thought he was with the guests. So during service, he was like telling me to stay at the table and not let anyone near the table. When I went to get things for the guest, he repeated it to me in the more irritated tone, which made me feel damn useless. Following that, he just told me what to do. What happened was that he wanted me to serve a soup to this lady. i went to the right side of the lady wanting to serve her the soup but she was talking to another guest. I was hesitating whether to serve or not then he kept giving me small pushes and kept pointing me to serve it to her. So i followed his cue to serve, however finding myself pulled to one side after that to be said that what i did was rude and it was wrong to turn the food that the guest didn't want to another guest. I was like WTHHHH. But i kept my mouth shut cos i kept thinking i was wrong. The whole dinner i was just damn not confident of myself. My manager asked me to get mineral water in a glass and after i came back with it she was like ' HUH what are you talking about? What mineral bottle? I never ask you to take what.' doing it was damn pek chek lah.

Then after that long torturous lunch was over, as i was walking along the corridor, a guest was about to enter the room that was suppose to have a tea ceremony. As the room was not ready, i walked up to the guest to see how i could assist him. Turns out that he wanted the tea ceremony to start earlier. IT WAS ANOTHER 'OMG HOW HOW HOW' THING FOR ME. Cos we weren't briefed about the tea ceremony and no one was assigned to handle it, i was like crap lahhh. Then i was pushed to help with it. I have no clue on how to do tea ceremony. luckily other people who knew came to help. The bride and the groom were both young and pretty/good-looking. The bride's maids were ALL so pretty also. Heard that they are rich Indonesians, no wonder all their dresses were so nice. Also i think some of them are Indonesian mixed ang moh, SUPER PRETTY I TELL YOU. Then came the wedding dinner at night. The amazing part was the band. It was the first wedding dinner that had super young and hip songs played throughout the dinner. LOVED IT WHEN IT PLAY LOVE STORY. The singers were all FANTASTIC TO THE MAX. And after the dinner, random people came to the stage to sing and it lasted for like another hour or more? From young to old, all the indonesians sing SO SO SO well:)

I can't exactly remember why was it torturous cos I've left this post hanging for so long before getting my lazy self to finish it up. OOPS.

OH YA MISSED OUT!!!!

I WANNA WATCH 17 AGAIN AND HANDSOME SUIT.

NEED TO WATCH A MOVIE BADLY. Haven't watched one in a LOOONG time. Online ones don't count! hahha

MELLLLL TAKE NOTE. HAHAH

Aftermath of SSM was a bruise on my shoulder. Nope it wasn't cramped up but a bruise. Im like the only one lah. Everyone else like strained, cramp but no bruise. Was red in the morning then actually felt it the last night when i was about to sleep. The stupid pillow was grazing my bruise or what was ABOUT to become a bruise. I don't get it. HOW THE HELL DID I GET IT? stood up too fast? 'Bounced'? Oh and funnily my left thigh feels cramped up the whole day. Going up staircases was a chore.

Although I had worked for longer hours than ssm boot camp, it is really pretty tough. I was DAMN tired the whole day. Couldn't stay WIDE awake for marketing, took a 1 hour nap in school and came back to my aunt's house taking another 1/2 an hour nap. SSM pretty much drained me.

OH MY how am i gonna survive this week?
FULL DAY sat at hotel, church, tampines library till 9 then school starting proper. OH NOOOO please don't screw up this sem grace. NONO.


I NEED MY FREAKING PAY ASSHOLES.

Today was a day with ALOT of mixed feelings.

It started with me feeling REALLY REALLY REALLY nervous and messed up in the head. I woke up early for SSM, prepared my stuff and got ready to leave the house then I realised that I was late in meeting my friend so I just rushed out of the house. In the midst of the big rush, everything that i needed to do became even more messy in my head. I didn't know what the hell I was thinking anymore. So as i walked to school to meet ZW, I realised the SUPER SMART ME brought a change of shirt to change out, BUT I FORGOT TO BRING SHORTS. And FYI, SSM PANTS ARE UGLY. So I just complained and complained. Met MY & N and we went to finalise grooming and uniform. I was more or less done, just had to finish my make up. Then helped them with their hair and make up. GUESS WHAT TIME WE FINISHED? From 7.10 - 7.45.

NEXT, once we entered TCA, it was a whole new feeling. I FELT LOST. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON. I was like errrrrrrrrrrrrrr WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSE TO GO???? After a while we realised OH OK the lockers. Then on entering the lockers, it was this TENSE atmosphere. Everyone was rushing then OH WAIT WHAT DO WE HAVE TO BRING? so unlock the lockers again. By the time we reached Top Table, it was like 7.55? OMG MR GOH WAS DAMN SCARY. He was shouting like officer like that. Then when you walk in you really have no idea what to do. Ms Mark told us what to do but with Mr Goh shouting in the background, it definitely felt like you were late. Ended up being sooo nervous. It felt worse than sitting for O's. But after a while he talks about expectations, blah blah blah then got down to touring TCA. It was more relax then, really like class. SUPER ALOT OF NOTES TO TAKE DOWN. It was good lah but felt like too much info in 1day. OHWELLS. When he teaches, you can see a totally different side of him. He really wants to pass the experience and knowledge to you. But he's still scary. IM PRETTY GLAD I HAVE HIM AS A TUTOR:)

I KNOW, YOU THINK I AM CRAZY.

We were given a super late lunch. Only at 1.20, for 30mins. But I was so busy trying to take down info and remember it that I wasn't feeling that hungry despite missing my breakfast. After lunch, THE FUN PART CAME. Round trays and oval trays.

I guess it was a blessing in disguise. Only up till this part then I realise. I remembered how i ever thought that it would be great to be able to learn EVERYTHING about a restaurant before working there and how I had problems with tray especially OVAL ones but i never knew how to tackle it.

Today THIS was exactly what i wanted. IM GIVEN THIS OPPORTUNITY. The tutors were really patient with of the dropping of numerous bottles and also the weak minds of ours. Im pretty sure we all are able to handle the tray and the weight. Really up to our will and our mindset. I decided that this was the only time I could ever perfect my oval tray "skills" and i just followed instructions. I CAN!!!!

WATCH THIS. Don't you dare say i can only do service! BECAUSE IM TRYING MY DAMN BEST TO DO WHAT YOU GUYS DO ALSO. Not only the weak VIP server ok! :):):):)


Mr Goh was really nice during the tray carrying session. I KINDA LOVE HIM NOW.
OH YEA PLUS HE DOESN'T EVEN USE VULGARITIES. I want to be like him. Strong discipline and all.

LOVE SSM AFTERALL.

I just don't know how to read you.

This doesn't just refer to one person. I was pretty upset these few days. Mainly because of the library job? I mean im Totally fine with being by myself. But due to the long hours that i have to tahan for the job, i keep wanting company. And I couldn't get any from any of my friends and I realised how alone I felt. I hate this feeling. It sucks even more when you see people in pairs EVERYWHERE.

I just kinda realise I really expect alot from friends. How could you have said that you were stuck with us. I know all of us have drifted. Im really trying my best, my very best. Sometimes I just feel like all these is not worth it. I'll probably end up all alone anyway. We were once close in primary school, then drifted apart and again friends for 2 years. You know how hard is it for me to keep the friendship going and all you could say was that you were stuck with us. Did you ever try.

Why am I always the stupid idiot that puts in so much effort and no one has ever did that for me before?

I'll always be faced with the same old scars.
Rejections from friends, the fake friendship and even a harmless one sided love.

I only have HIM. HE who knows how badly I want to burst out crying.

TO ABBY:

OMG EH IM SO SORRY. To prove how sorry I am I dedicated one whole post to you! HAPPY? HAHAHA sorry. Really. Cos i read your message when I was half awake and half asleep. So when I got up, I was already rushing, gonna be late for work. THEN I forgot all about your message. SORRY DEAR.

OK now update about my hols. Well pretty much good. Basically full of work lah. HAHAH what else is new for the workaholic lah. BUT DIDN'T GET MUCH MONEY. So didn't buy much stuff:( WANNA GO GET TANG YUAN BEFORE MY SCHOOL STARTS? hahah eh you are sec4 now is it? Sorry im OLD, I cannot catch up with current times. HAHAH suddenly I feel like going to bonnie's (sis?) shop? You know which one im referring to right??

I CAN'T BELIEVE MY SCHOOL'S GONNA START IN 1 WEEKS TIME:(


I STILL WANNA WORK.

I'm kinda falling in love with my library job. OKOK i know. HELL it's library, how fun can it be?

DAMN FUN. Although i have to work by myself, i've met many interesting people. Had weird, cool, funny and coincidentally connected "friends". I love working at bugis library. Got many cool people there. Realised i know more cool guys than girls. They are all working adults. Don't worry. HAHAH not gonna talk about cute guys. DON'T HAVE:( OH WELLS.


I LOVE LOVE LOVE WORKING AT BUGIS LIBRARY. I WISH I COULD WORK ALL DAY THERE:)


but i can't. DAMN.

Fine i'll update. Wanted to update a few days back but internet was down.

Anyway, recently i found quite a few korean songs that is about first love. It just got me thinking. It was really true. I could relate to the songs.

GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY BABY

HONEY HONEY HONEY especially this.

I guess all first loves are all the same.
"She is a nice girl" Would you have said the same thing for me?

VANILLA LOVE LOVE ONEW:) HE IS SO CUTE CUTE CUTE:):)

It's so good to fall in love. It naturally keeps you HAPPY.


OH YOU KNOW WHAT. I SAW A REAL LIFE DAO MIN SI/GOO JUN PYO. DAMN HANDSOME. Sadly i wasn't serving him:( Super like prince charming. HEH HEH.

Kind of realised that Singapore isn't really lacking of good looking guys. HAHAH cos recently when i go out i'll always see quite a number of them. Even when i went to service my mio box. HAHA one of them looked really familar. Don't know if i actually know him. We kept exchanging glances, he had the AC look though.

OH NO THIS WHOLE POST IS LIKE ABOUT GUYS.

On another note, i haven't caught CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC:(:(:( I HAVE HAVE HAVE to catch it before it stops showing.

SOMEONE WATCH WITH ME:)

OOPS blog rotting for a long time I see.

I just got the urge to blog now. At this odd timing cos I just finished worked and bathe finished. Waiting for my hair to dry. ANYWAY i just saw Mr Quek just now. He came as an award recipient for the POSB everyday champion awards ceremony. As usual, I was busy with my VIP since the president and minister of community development, youth and sports was both on my table. When I saw my coach, I wasn't shocked I guess, since it's not out of the ordinary for him to get an award but I felt happy. How weird. I was reminded of my old training days, though not SUPER long ago, but it's like i can never go back to it again. I miss the kind of belongingless i had, the kind of motivation i had, the kind of achievements and improvements in myself. All this was only possible with a team. Since I stopped training, all these disappeared, which was what my coach didn't want. It was suppose to stay to become a habit.

I actually miss him. HAHHAAH. it's not everyday you are coached by someone worth respecting. I miss how i will feel not up to his standard and making sure i reach it the next time. It was as though being kept tight under his reins. Didn't like it last time but now, without it, I MISS IT. Who would bother to keep you under tight reins?

MAN I SERIOUSLY NEED TO JOIN A SPORT CCA. Feel super directionless after school. It's like SLACK SLACK AND SLACK. Wouldn't mind if there was cross country but it'll never be the same as in MG.

I HATE HOW I'VE LOST CONTACT WITH EVERYONE. No longer know what to talk to them about and how to talk to them.

Im like in an alone mode.

ok BYE.

Ok I finally decided to get my lazy self to update my long dead blog. The only reason I'm doing this is because the stupid trial version of adobe is taking so long to download. I've been meaning to update my blog about alot alot alot of things. Just that I haven't got around to doing it.

Let me do what i meant to do.

CAMP:)
LOVED IT. My group wasn't so bad after all. We bonded really well. Didn't know why i was so scared before. Camp to me, personally was great cos it was really what I needed at that point of time, letting him be in control cos I no longer was no matter how hard I tried. HE worked his way, bringing me closer to friend I never knew how to. I'm really happy I made that effort to make the choice to go. Also, after camp, I got down to actually reading the bible reason being that I realise I don't know anything in the bible except bits and pieces and HAHAH ok Peter please don't kill me. Cos i told him how I couldn't find my bible and how I had camp coming up. HOW COULD I GO WITHOUT A BIBLE. Then met him a day before my camp to exchange christmas present and he got me a BIBLE. HAHAH but you know what. When i got back home, my mummy found me my bible. I haven't told Peter yet cos I felt so embarrassed. HAHAH so I'm doing it here. AHAHHAH SORRY. But it's because I feel bad that I decided to really use the bible he gave me. THANKS:)

CHRISTMAS:)
Christmas was okay I guess. Didn't get to meet up with MG clique though:( WE ARE DRIFTING APART. As the day passes I feel less MG-like. Had quite a few parties. It was the only time i felt like i was making full use of the dresses at home. Didn't get much presents i guess. OHWELLS. it happens all the time anyway.

2009:)
Was working on new years eve so I spent the 1st second of new year working. HAHAH but actually also not really lah. Cos we were all wishing each other happy new year. BUT GUESS WHAT. I'll forever remember this of 2009. I also spent the 1st second of new year holding my bladder. HAHAHAHA cos there were more things to be served up to the table, so I didn't dare to leave. The year just flew by so quickly lah. I still feel so new to poly man.

EIGHTEEN18
MY B'DAY:) Ok it wasn't such a big deal anyway. Didn't actually celebrate it. THANKS my poly clique for the GOLDEN BOOK OF COOKIES they got me. I'm gonna bake a bunch to give all the little kids in church. Then went out with Mel to have dinner at Pastamania and went to do mani and pedi. That was about it. NO CAKE:( and my relatives didn't celebrate for me also. I tell you it's because my nephew's b'day is so close to chirstmas that WE celebrate his b'day and they forget about mine:( OHWELLS. I'll forgive him on the account that he's cute.

OK BCS IS TOTALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES. What's this stupid webquest thing anyway. Can't they give us alonger time to do? SO FED UP NOW. Ruins my mood to blog.

Ever since that day, my mood was still pretty bad at work. not just particularly to that one guy but more generalised, to ANYONE that pisses me off and do no-brainer stuff.

I just can't help but keep thinking about how everyone leads a different lives, how uniquely all our lives have been planned out. All of the sudden, I kind of realise that I don't really know how to communicate with people. To be able to just talk about SOMETHING with a random friend. That feeling is irritating.

I feel so taken over at work also, like as though I'm useless. When I actually think back carefully about what I did at work, it's actually nothing much at all. I mean this is not the only time I thought so but it's just that now a days, with this girl that I'm suppose to teach her to serve the VIP table, it was as though i saw how lax my job is from another person's point of view.

I'M JUST USELESS.

USELESS LAZY ASSHOLE.

This whole post is just not making any sense.

Today I set a new record.
that is according to my friend.

7th time he has seen me crying at work.
definitely not the most accurate.

Today was the WORST WORST case scenario.

Imagine, you're doing over-time with 2 angry people. FULL OF ANGER in their voice. Whatever that comes out of their mouth.

All that you are doing is focusing on your job. Doing things properly.

You decided to ask if the tablecloth should be changed to a bigger one, NOT FOR FUN, but because you know that the guy doing the table is a TAD bit fussy sometimes.

Someone else then comes along to answer your question, totally not taking your question seriously, thinking that you're asking a stupid question since the answer is so obvious.

BUT GUESS WHAT. In the end, the person doing the table STILL asked someone to get a big tablecloth for him.

THEN when that same person doing the table is done with the tablecloth, he shouts angrily around, asking for plates to set, but not going to find for it. Since no one actuallly moves off to bring it to him, you suddenly saw some plates at the bottom of the trolley and say "got got got", which was replied with a nasty smart alec answer of "God what God, God in heaven".

You then proceed to find for more plates since those weren't enough. you see your other friend getting a whole trolley of plates, but since the guy was so impatient for the plates, you decided to first bring out the number of plates needed by the guy so that he will not be that angry.

While bringing the plates in, the guy who thought that asking about the tablecloth was dumb, called you, to which you replied "shut up", and brought the plates to the table that needed it. He continued calling for you which you ignore.

The moment you place the plate on the table, the guy doing the table started shouting at you again as there were still a couple of tables which were still short of plates, asking why didn't you wait to bring out the rest.

You have reached your max already, finally bursting, saying " You wanted the plates right? I brought it for you! [Someone]'s still taking the rest!" banging the plates on the table. The guy then told you to set that table.

NEXT AFTER, the guy calling for you tried again, you just continued with your job.
ALL OF THE SUDDEN, he just SHOUTS your name as though you are in the army, insisting you listen to him when all he has done was call my name. Then going on to scolding me about no showing respect by answering him, how you think by not answering him is such a funny thing, like you are playing around.

Then finally shouting to ask " YOU WANT TO GO HOME IS IT?"

It has past your max of what you can hold inside of you, you give up trying to act strong, start tearing, and shouted back " I NEVER EVER THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I WAS DOING EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY. YOU WANT ME TO GO HOME, FINE, I'LL GO HOME NOW."

Then you just cried.

Obviously the person who cried was me.
It was TOTALLY unreasonable. ALL that I ever did was try to make everyone less angry, and then, I kena. Everything that i do at work, i take it seriously, it is YOU who always jokes around, expecting me to respond the same way as you. Since you like to think that i joke around, why not you just think that "shut up" was a joke? ALL BECAUSE OF THAT DAMN 2 WORD YOU SCOLD ME AND ACCUSE ME OF EVERYTHING I'M NOT?

Why not you reflect upon youself first. You are always so quick in letting your temper go.

Oh just a note. You know what that guy was calling me for, to eat the food he has kept for me in the store.

I mean THANKS, but you know something, i never asked for you to save food for me, and IF i am getting THIS for some measly food, PLEASE, i rather not have it at all.

YES SO YOU HAVE YOUR EGO AND FACE, how about me?



Don't even feel like going back to work already. Maybe this will mark the end of the longest job i've stayed put in.