I AM TIRED. TIMES A MILLION TIMES. PERIOD.

i hate being taken the wrong way. JUST FREAKING BECAUSE YOU ARE OLDER doesn't mean that you can ignore everything i say even though i am younger. ya right, go ahead and ask me to do everything i tell people to do. THEN FREAK YOU GUYS NO NEED TO COME ALREADY WHAT. I ONE MAN SHOW LAH. HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT NOT DOING ANYTHING AND EARNING MONEY. seriously. NO FACE. just because i follow what needs to be done, i get ostracized. just because i tell people to do the things i spot that need to be done NICELY, i get rudely ignore. TRY AND TAHAN THAT. sorry i can't. im too tired to be able to do that, broke down once i got away from those ARROGANT people.

you know when im pissed, im pissed. i dont care who you are to me. im still gonna scream. i don't know why until now, my mum still dunno that. i do thateven to my friens. and i admit i do that alot at home. well home is that place where most things happens right? all the stress after work. when i scream at her, she wont try to understand from my point of view. i dont scream because i want to but because i cant help it.

i DO NOT NEED to work 2 jobs
i DO NOT NEED to save for my own school fees
i DO NOT NEED to sacrifice having a life
i DO NOT NEED to suffer so much outside

but I DO ALL THAT because i know she's getting old.
WILL IT KILL YOU TO JUST LET ME SCREAM AT YOU. i know it's like disrespect but it's the only way i get rid of all that pressure.

i mean if i really disrespect you, I WOULD NOT FREAKING WORK MY ASS OFF. i wouldn't even bother worrying about my sis's laptop and where the money's gonna come from, i wouldn't be thinking if i can pay for my school fees and can i also pay for my sister's school fee.

I AM DAMN TIRED. CAN.

ON A HAPPIER NOTE. I GOT AN A FOR FEM PROJECT. so afterall i dont suck. HEH. It lifts SUCH a big weight off my shoulders.

Recently started working at a restaurant near plaza sing. The row of restaurants beside plaza sing? The last one. A steamboat restaurant. I like the working environment. Not bad. Definitely different from banquet. It's very slack now cos it only started like a month ago and BARELY anyone knows about the restaurant. so hardly anyone comes in to eat. But it's great for me to learn on the job.

OH BTW IT'S CALLED XIANG XUE HAI.

School's less busy now that all project related shit is all over. But i have to work like MAD. Gotta earn enough for my school fees, if can my sis's school fees, my sis's laptop? OH WELLS:(

I realised i cleanly forgot about Peter's b'day. I FELT SO BAD. So i called him like the moment i realised it. So need to catch up with him. Since i started relying on the other person whom i forgot about, we kind of drifted apart. Especially like him and dawn. HAHAH. Right after that hit my mind, i realised his bday is coming soon. 15 feb. OHWELLS what matters now?

I met Giant on the bus after work onnnnn sunday i think. And he kept bugging me about what happened btw us. It doesnt hurt so much now talking about it. But somehow this little feeling of regret bugs me. Maybe i should have never said yes to start everything and maybe i should not have suggested to end it, believing that you would take it as a wake up call to try to fix things. Life getting better without all these complicated crap in it.

OHOHOH you know this CNY i wont be going to bai nian:( I CAN'T DRESS NICE NICE. MY MAXI DRESS:( but nvm. IM GONNA EARN ALOT OF MONEY THAT DAY. Plus the ang pao money i believe my relatives will give to my mum. AWESOMENESS $$$$$ :)

i am very upset that i dont do perfectly well in everything i do.

I SUCK.

thisisnotworkingnotworkingnotworkingnotworking.

Just barely 2 months odd and the memories that accumulated is difficult to erase. Nights alone are the worst for me to handle. I no longer have that special someone to sms anytime i want about anything. I no longer can have you beside me. I no longer smell that smell when i meet you. I now travel alone, using my mp3 more often.

I wonder if i made the right decision. Should i have talked to you face to face? But isn't it a bit too late to think about it anymore?

It funny how when i miss you i think back to all the good things but that moment i wanted to break up, i couldn't think of 1 good thing.

I CAN'T TAKE IT. I wanted it so that i would stop thinking about why you thisthatthisthat. Yet, i still think about you. SUCKS.



I WANNA CLUB.WORK.PLAY

I figured i shall start blogging again. As an outlet for my mind. So it probably figures that many things has been happening leading me back here once again.

SCHOOL has been stressful enough. Not having enough peacful sleep,taking a whole hour to wake up for school, burning midnight oil for the millionth time and disagreements. It has totally got my life revolving it. I can't work, i can't go out with friends, i can't sleep. WOW. Though school has occupied my mind almost all the time, when i take a break and have my mind away from school. It goes to 1 person.

This, i promise, is the last time i'll ever type/talk about it.
And i'll never remember you again. NEVER.

Maybe we did get into it too fast, but initially you were different. But as time went by, you started changing? I didn't feel secure at all. And that means alot to me. which was why i thought about ending it. I didn't like how insecure i was feeling. I felt it almost everyday. You know how tiring that is? And when i was the one putting in all the effort. Things that you said, slowly felt like empty promises, words that you never meant from the start. Suddenly, i felt like this 2 months plus was a prank you played on me. Bringing it up to you, took great courage from me. I was afraid of the answer that lied behind. I didn't know what that was. But i still said what i wanted to say, hoping that things could have a better turn.

But you didn't even bother asking why do i want a break up or what happened. you just agreeed. which made me feel totally dissapointed. I felt like i wasted my time and feelings with you. We should stay as friends? Bullshit. When we were together, there was no effort on your part. What makes you think that after we break up you will take effort to stay as friends. I would never put in anymore effort. It was just not worth it. That whole period was a lie. I want and will erase that from my mind.

on a happy note, at least i was smart to dump him first before i take more of his crap.

IM SINGLE:) and i will meet a better guy. It's your loss, not mine.

I WANNA DO ALOT OF THINGS.
work
cycle
run
club
eat good food
WATCH MOVIES
and i cant remember the rest

oversleep

OMG i cant believe how screwed I am now. Im so tired, i overslept thrice on different modes of transport in 2 days.

Yesterday, i was on my way to meet nicole at orchard and i was having a terrible uhhhhhhhhh i dunno what is it called. but it felt like those korean high blood pressure thing when they hold their neck. Suppose to meet at 4.10, and i was already running late. I decided to nap a while.

AND GUESS WHAT. OVERSLEPT#1. The next moment i woke up, it was due to nicole calling me and i heard "braddell"

OH SHIT. Nicole was so gonna kill me.

TODAY, I woke up at 5 to reach my workplace at like 6.45 or so for my shift at 7am.

IWAS SOOOOOLUCKYITELLYOU. Nobody will have the same luck as me. It started raining so heavily, i decided to take bus. BUT GUESS WHAT MY LUCKY STAR DID. I forgot it was a public holiday and some buses get delayed. WELL LUCKY LUCKY. the bus i needed to take was delayed. AND I WAS STRANDED AND COLD. w/o taking breakfast:(

Thenthenthen, I decided to sleep on the bus and I OVERSLEPT #2. I just dropped off at wherever I was at and before i realised. i was once again stranded. I should have not gotten off and take further down. At least there was buses to orchard. DAMN. hence I was late for half an hour ALTHOUGH i woke up at 5am

After i knocked off work, i took 174 to jp to have my early and filling dinner. then took a bus back. i took a SLIGHT nap again and i OVERSLEPT#3, having to take another bus back and meeting my mum on the bus.

OH MY LOVELY LOVELY JOURNEY IN SINGAPORE. IM A TOURIST:)

you're crazy grace. HAHAHAHHA

I was feeling relatively better today. I thought, wow things seems to be changing for the better, I guess I will be able to go for the dinner later. I was thinking if i should go or not, but since it's probably gonna be the only time I see my friend for the last time before she flies off and since it's for her birthday, might as well make some effort, probably just try to control so they wont be so scared.

So as usual we were late and when I met them, guess what they started saying?
OH I dont want to fall sick.
Ok fine first time I let it pass as a joke. Then came the time when we were walking towards the restaurant. While walking there, I had no choice but to cough as I has phlegm in my throat thatonly started irritating me when I left the house. But with that cough, once again the same thing happened and they walked a distance from me. I pretended I didnt notice. Next when we were looking through the menu before seating into the restaurant, I suggested ordering the set menu to share and they were like 'are you kidding me?' Obviously I know my limits and by suggesting that, I meant that I would probably take food first and ensure I dont use my own culteries to take food. But hearing that kind of reaction was really quite a stab. My limit was reached when we were being seated and everyone was trying not to seat near me.

I got irritated and i just stood up saying that I can go back home. then they started saying they didn't mean it and stuff so I was like 'ok chill chill. celebration. chill.' But right after that they were whispering how they really dont wish to fall sick and stuff. I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up. I said, 'Im going home.' They didn't want me to go off. But I inisisted on leaving. I walked out quickly and started tearing.

Weren't secondary school friends suppose to be the everlasting friendships? Why is it that I cant see that. It's only our 2nd year after we have graduated and this is what we have become. Catching up one like every 6 months. And when I am sick, the most you guys could care about is yourselves. So why did I bother thinking so much for you guys? Ensuring I had enough tissues so I dont have to cough/sneeze directly at you guys and taking my share of food first etc etc.

I was just really upset. I mean it's not like I chose to be sick, or that I like to go around infecting people with my germs. I already feel insecure about what others think about me when i sneeze and cough on my way there and i still have to face it directly with you guys. Can't you guys think for me? It's me facing 3 you know. Put yourselves in my shoes. Yes maybe you didn't mean it but try going through what I went through, everything that doesn't mean anything, means something to me.

These few days I have just been so alone and I though my friends would care for me, sadly, it was the total opposite. Afterall I guess what they say is true, family is more trustworthy than friends. Even though I told my sister I would be out for dinner, she still smsed me to ask if I wanted her to buy back any food.

After crying my eyes out in the toilet, I came out and looked into the mirrior. OMGGGGGG my eyes were so red and swollen. I hate it when I cry. Super cannot hide. Then I talked to Peter, forever, my most trustworthy crying bucket. Luckily he was free to just hear me out. Talked to him about the WHOLE thing while walking out of Square 2 head facing ground. Then went off to find for mel since she was around town cos I refused to go back with my 2 swollen eyes and risk having the same treatment.

It was a real emotional draining day for me.

OH and I HATE singtel for cancelling my callerid when I SPECIFICALLY said that I wanted it when I changed plan. Making me unable to reject calls today:( having to pick up every single damn call as I was crying.

Im sick. LIKE REALLY REALLY SICK. It kind of screws up my whole entire plan for this week. I can't do my rebonding, I probably cant appear for the gathering with my friends, I might not be able to work, I might not be able to go for class gathering, I dunno what is happening to me.

This is really scary. I've slept for 24 hours and I still dont feel well. My head hurts when I stand up, my butt aches when I sit up, My fever is coming and going, I feel dizzy when I stand up and i almost felt like vomiting. It is so terrifying I wanted to cry. I just prayed earnestly to HIM to settle my heart. The first time I am so reliant on my family. I sent a msg to my sister "Hurry up come back, I feel awful."

Lord just be with me. Im worried about myself and I know others are worried about me to. Please just take all the uncomfortable feelings away from me and heal me.

I haven't posted for the longest time. let me just say thestuff that i wanted to update but was really lazy to.

About a month plus a few days ago, I received a call. I was totally caught unaware. It was a sunday and I wasn't in church. WHICH I TATLLY OUGHT TO STOP DOING. I was watching shows on my computer when my phone rang. It was a number that i didn't know who it was from but i figured might be the office. So i picked it up.

*Hello, can i speak to Grace please*
*Uh huh*
*Is this Grace? Your dad wants to talk to you. Hold on for a while*

I stunned. TOTALLY STUNNED. my heart beat was beating so fast within the next 5 seconds while waiting for him to come to the phone. His first words, voice,it suddenly became real. How long has it been? He told me he had only 5 mins to talk. First thing that went through my mind was how on earth am i gonna last through the 5 mins?

He asked where I was, how I am, how i am with my family members,why I wasn't in church, if I received his letters, why I didn't reply them, how I and my sister look like now and if i could send him a letter and our pic. As much as he could, he spoke in english. Seeing how he was trying to express his concern in 5 mins for me, I teared. It was dumps period for me. Felt like no one cared for me. I was so alone. Just me, myself and I. But no, I forgot the Father that was always by my side no matter where i was and he reminded me that there will always be someone caring for me, even if he is not able to be by my side. After I ended the call, Ithroughly cried. It was too much emotional struggle for me.

It seems like it's a cycle.

Anyway,on that, was working for birthday party yesterday. 1 year old baby. Imagine the price. 4000 plus ok. And they called for another catering also. My goodness. The baby is so lucky. I wish i was her. To live in such a nice house, to have such nice cousins, to have such a great party at just 1 year of age.

Never had such a party. Not for my birthday.It was never a great highlight of the year for me with presents raining on me. Nope, never happened.

OH and I realised I really pretty pathetic being restricted by money time and time again. IT SUCKS BIG TIME. Im getting so so so so so so sick of it. SERIOUSLY. It's like playing a huge joke on me.

MONEYISSUCHANEVILTHING.

I have alot alot alot alot of things to say. This week was really crap and alot of things happened.
It was an emotional rollercoaster.

First let me just talk about something that got me really really upset.

Ok you know how i always hit people. I honestly don't know why i do that but it's just something i can't control. And to me it's like if i deem myself to be an okay friend and we are quite close to joke around and stuff, i'll hit you. Not meant as to purposely hurt you or whatsoever but just a friendly thing that i do. I mean if i don't talk to you about that much stuff, i probably won't hit you.

And another thing you would have noticed if you eat with me. I tend to try other people's food and don't mind sharing food cos it just makes food taste better when you do that. For me that is lah. BUT I at least have basic manners ok. Even if I don't verbally ask if i can have some, my fork will hover halfway before taking a bit of your food. If you are so particular about hygiene and violently object you can always just SAY SOMETHING to stop me there and then. I mean I would understand.

BUT firstly, you are a work friend and my church mate from the english side. You are the sarcastic type of guy which I absolutely hate. But because you and I have more than just work relations, I tried to tolerate it. Just keep my temper and try to talk less. Well since we don't usually bump into each other, i tend to be overly friendly. Hence the hitting and stuff. Then when we were in the canteen together, I just didn't want the awkwardness to stay. So while I tried my damn best to talk about stuff, ending up hitting you sometimes SOFTLY, you could only say more sarcastic stuff. Honestly, I was reaching my limit, then you turned nasty. All i was doing was being friendly. And how the hell am i suppose to read you with all the sarcasm? Taking your food was seen as a rudeact by you. But i did "ask" since i didn't just immediately take a bit of your food. YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING. The worst part was when you immediately started talking about hygiene and when i didn't know what was *******, you went on to say how my teachers haven't be teaching me well and i should repeat school again.

I FREAKING HAVENT STUDIED THE DAMN THING OK. SO YOU ARE SMART. OK I GET IT. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN RUN DOWN PEOPLE LIKE THIS OK.

It just totally hit a spot in me which i have a hard time admitting to. That i forget stuff that i learn. WHICH DOES NOT FREAKING FEEL GOOD. I feel so dumb and that im wasting my time cos anyway i will forget.

THAT POINT I already gave up trying to be friendly to you. WHY SHOULD I TRY SO HARD.

AND YOU. MY FRIEND. DIDN'T FREAKING HELP ME AT ALL. OK WHAT CRAP ABOUT LIKING ME IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME. I WAS ON THE VERGE OF CRYING OK.

but i held back.

GUYS LIKE THAT DO NOT DESERVE MY TEARS.

After getting so angry I forgot what else I have to blog about.


OHHHHHHHHHH anyway I was so busy this week, having to carry my stuff ALL BY MYSELF everywhere I go that I got so pissed, wishing that I had A TALL, STRONG, RICH, DRIVE OWN CAR boyfriend. I got so fed up i wanted to throw everything on the floor.


So i was just joking to mel that maybe i should audition people to be my bf.
HAHAHHA

ANYONE? TALL, HANDSOME, STRONG, RICH, AND DRIVES A CAR???
Apparently mel knows one. HAHAHHA

I TOTALLY MESSED UP MY WHOLE LIFE.

Have so much in my mind I just feel like dying.

Did i ever say before i can't multi-task? I DID?
I FREAKING CAN'T.


TOO MUCH TOO MUCH.

10am to 2 am, 10am to 3pm? STUDYSTUDYSTUDY.
Consultation, report due, presentation, TEST. ALL ON MONDAY

Tell me im not looking forward to monday. Im NOT.


My posts are all so short nowadays. I want to type more but my brain can't handle it now.

I forgot what i wanted to post.

BUT ANYWAY LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I BOUGHT! (or rather what i blew 70 bucks on)

A NICE BIG BAG

















In comparison to my laptop. YEA IT'S HUGE:) hahha but it's nice.

I HAVE A BRUISE ON MY FOURTH FINGER:( wanted to take a picture of it but my phone cam is LOUSY. I WANT A NEW PHONE.

DAMN IM SO BROKE NOW. Waiting for my pay again. Only gonna get 200 odd i think. SO LITTLE:(

"Wait for the guy that pursues you, the one that makes every day seem magical, the guy that makes you feel so amazing about yourself and can make you smile every minute you are with him. Wait for the guy who shows you off to his friends when you are in sweats, but appreciates when you get all dolled up for him. Wait for the guy who puts you at the center of his universe, because obviously he will be at the center of yours."

This is what i got from a friend's blog. Not a close friend. HAHAH considering her reaction when we happen to bump into each other after our batch graduated from school.

It is the believe that someone like that exist that keeps me going.
Someday. Just someday.

SCHOOL IS SUCH AN ASS NOW. REALLY.

There's a shitload of things to do but i just cannot get down to do ALL the work. Each day, school is passing faster and faster. MID SEMS ARE SOON.

GRACE YOU ARE SO SUPER FRIED.

I HAD A BLACK OUT AT MY AUNT'S HOUSE JUST NOW.

I hate the dark more then anything. I thought that it was my aunt who suddenly decided to switch off all the lights in the house at one go and I panicked. Then after 5 secs i realised there's no such switch at home. HAHAHHA I was super panicky and started thinking HOWHOWHOW.

All the what ifs came to my mind.

HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA BATHE.
HOW AM I GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH.
HOW AM I GONNA SLEEP.
HOW AM I GONNA USE MY PHONE AND LAPTOP.

Oh yea cos i was so suay that every electronic items i own were all running out of batt. So me and my aunt were at home waiting for my uncle to come back and save the day. HAHAH AND HE DID. Felt so much more comfortable when the lights came back on.

ANYWAY YOU KNOW OF THIS SONG?
YOU BELONG WITH ME - TAYLOR SWIFT

It's such a sweet music video. GO WATCH IT. LIKE NOWNOWNOW. want to update about ssm but shall leave it for another day.

DON'T MIND ME.

This is going to be an emo post.

You know how facebook was a trend? How you had to be on facebook to be considered cool. And when you are not, people give you that weird look and keep telling you to join facebook?

Well I was one of those who think facebook was a waste of time. But still joined after numerous pesters. It was when i really had nothing to do. So on joining facebook for the first time, I didn't quite get the hang of it. It was so WOAH. Infomation overload man. After a while, like how typically i would get bored of things, I got bored of facebook and explored it lesser, wasting less time on it.

Now I realise how even a a popular tool like facebook can't really help you to maintain relationships. It just lets you look into your friend's life from afar. AND IT SUCKS. It becomes SO OBVIOUS.

It just makes me think what the hell have I been doing. Why am i working so hard for the $$$? What is my life about now? Everyone has moved on for quite a distance, for the better. How about you? I guess I haven't been able to face it all. Im just so superficial now.


I CAN'T FREAKING STAND YOU GRACE LIM CI EN.


It's hard to get back to who i am.
wait.

Just who the hell am I?

Today was a torturous day.
Started at 9 am till 3am?

First was a VIP lunch for a chinese state councilor. IT WAS CRAPPY. There was this new sales manager. I think he's from china so i thought he was with the guests. Then obviously if he's with the guest i would just listen to him what right. So what happened was that we were already rushing with the preparation of the room then he came along and asked us to change the menu thrice. It was annoying me i guess cos it was only my table that had menus.

Then the SERIOUSLY PISSING ME OFF PART came during service. I felt damn offended. A point to note ah, I still thought he was with the guests. So during service, he was like telling me to stay at the table and not let anyone near the table. When I went to get things for the guest, he repeated it to me in the more irritated tone, which made me feel damn useless. Following that, he just told me what to do. What happened was that he wanted me to serve a soup to this lady. i went to the right side of the lady wanting to serve her the soup but she was talking to another guest. I was hesitating whether to serve or not then he kept giving me small pushes and kept pointing me to serve it to her. So i followed his cue to serve, however finding myself pulled to one side after that to be said that what i did was rude and it was wrong to turn the food that the guest didn't want to another guest. I was like WTHHHH. But i kept my mouth shut cos i kept thinking i was wrong. The whole dinner i was just damn not confident of myself. My manager asked me to get mineral water in a glass and after i came back with it she was like ' HUH what are you talking about? What mineral bottle? I never ask you to take what.' doing it was damn pek chek lah.

Then after that long torturous lunch was over, as i was walking along the corridor, a guest was about to enter the room that was suppose to have a tea ceremony. As the room was not ready, i walked up to the guest to see how i could assist him. Turns out that he wanted the tea ceremony to start earlier. IT WAS ANOTHER 'OMG HOW HOW HOW' THING FOR ME. Cos we weren't briefed about the tea ceremony and no one was assigned to handle it, i was like crap lahhh. Then i was pushed to help with it. I have no clue on how to do tea ceremony. luckily other people who knew came to help. The bride and the groom were both young and pretty/good-looking. The bride's maids were ALL so pretty also. Heard that they are rich Indonesians, no wonder all their dresses were so nice. Also i think some of them are Indonesian mixed ang moh, SUPER PRETTY I TELL YOU. Then came the wedding dinner at night. The amazing part was the band. It was the first wedding dinner that had super young and hip songs played throughout the dinner. LOVED IT WHEN IT PLAY LOVE STORY. The singers were all FANTASTIC TO THE MAX. And after the dinner, random people came to the stage to sing and it lasted for like another hour or more? From young to old, all the indonesians sing SO SO SO well:)

I can't exactly remember why was it torturous cos I've left this post hanging for so long before getting my lazy self to finish it up. OOPS.

OH YA MISSED OUT!!!!

I WANNA WATCH 17 AGAIN AND HANDSOME SUIT.

NEED TO WATCH A MOVIE BADLY. Haven't watched one in a LOOONG time. Online ones don't count! hahha

MELLLLL TAKE NOTE. HAHAH

Aftermath of SSM was a bruise on my shoulder. Nope it wasn't cramped up but a bruise. Im like the only one lah. Everyone else like strained, cramp but no bruise. Was red in the morning then actually felt it the last night when i was about to sleep. The stupid pillow was grazing my bruise or what was ABOUT to become a bruise. I don't get it. HOW THE HELL DID I GET IT? stood up too fast? 'Bounced'? Oh and funnily my left thigh feels cramped up the whole day. Going up staircases was a chore.

Although I had worked for longer hours than ssm boot camp, it is really pretty tough. I was DAMN tired the whole day. Couldn't stay WIDE awake for marketing, took a 1 hour nap in school and came back to my aunt's house taking another 1/2 an hour nap. SSM pretty much drained me.

OH MY how am i gonna survive this week?
FULL DAY sat at hotel, church, tampines library till 9 then school starting proper. OH NOOOO please don't screw up this sem grace. NONO.


I NEED MY FREAKING PAY ASSHOLES.

Today was a day with ALOT of mixed feelings.

It started with me feeling REALLY REALLY REALLY nervous and messed up in the head. I woke up early for SSM, prepared my stuff and got ready to leave the house then I realised that I was late in meeting my friend so I just rushed out of the house. In the midst of the big rush, everything that i needed to do became even more messy in my head. I didn't know what the hell I was thinking anymore. So as i walked to school to meet ZW, I realised the SUPER SMART ME brought a change of shirt to change out, BUT I FORGOT TO BRING SHORTS. And FYI, SSM PANTS ARE UGLY. So I just complained and complained. Met MY & N and we went to finalise grooming and uniform. I was more or less done, just had to finish my make up. Then helped them with their hair and make up. GUESS WHAT TIME WE FINISHED? From 7.10 - 7.45.

NEXT, once we entered TCA, it was a whole new feeling. I FELT LOST. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON. I was like errrrrrrrrrrrrrr WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSE TO GO???? After a while we realised OH OK the lockers. Then on entering the lockers, it was this TENSE atmosphere. Everyone was rushing then OH WAIT WHAT DO WE HAVE TO BRING? so unlock the lockers again. By the time we reached Top Table, it was like 7.55? OMG MR GOH WAS DAMN SCARY. He was shouting like officer like that. Then when you walk in you really have no idea what to do. Ms Mark told us what to do but with Mr Goh shouting in the background, it definitely felt like you were late. Ended up being sooo nervous. It felt worse than sitting for O's. But after a while he talks about expectations, blah blah blah then got down to touring TCA. It was more relax then, really like class. SUPER ALOT OF NOTES TO TAKE DOWN. It was good lah but felt like too much info in 1day. OHWELLS. When he teaches, you can see a totally different side of him. He really wants to pass the experience and knowledge to you. But he's still scary. IM PRETTY GLAD I HAVE HIM AS A TUTOR:)

I KNOW, YOU THINK I AM CRAZY.

We were given a super late lunch. Only at 1.20, for 30mins. But I was so busy trying to take down info and remember it that I wasn't feeling that hungry despite missing my breakfast. After lunch, THE FUN PART CAME. Round trays and oval trays.

I guess it was a blessing in disguise. Only up till this part then I realise. I remembered how i ever thought that it would be great to be able to learn EVERYTHING about a restaurant before working there and how I had problems with tray especially OVAL ones but i never knew how to tackle it.

Today THIS was exactly what i wanted. IM GIVEN THIS OPPORTUNITY. The tutors were really patient with of the dropping of numerous bottles and also the weak minds of ours. Im pretty sure we all are able to handle the tray and the weight. Really up to our will and our mindset. I decided that this was the only time I could ever perfect my oval tray "skills" and i just followed instructions. I CAN!!!!

WATCH THIS. Don't you dare say i can only do service! BECAUSE IM TRYING MY DAMN BEST TO DO WHAT YOU GUYS DO ALSO. Not only the weak VIP server ok! :):):):)


Mr Goh was really nice during the tray carrying session. I KINDA LOVE HIM NOW.
OH YEA PLUS HE DOESN'T EVEN USE VULGARITIES. I want to be like him. Strong discipline and all.

LOVE SSM AFTERALL.

I just don't know how to read you.

This doesn't just refer to one person. I was pretty upset these few days. Mainly because of the library job? I mean im Totally fine with being by myself. But due to the long hours that i have to tahan for the job, i keep wanting company. And I couldn't get any from any of my friends and I realised how alone I felt. I hate this feeling. It sucks even more when you see people in pairs EVERYWHERE.

I just kinda realise I really expect alot from friends. How could you have said that you were stuck with us. I know all of us have drifted. Im really trying my best, my very best. Sometimes I just feel like all these is not worth it. I'll probably end up all alone anyway. We were once close in primary school, then drifted apart and again friends for 2 years. You know how hard is it for me to keep the friendship going and all you could say was that you were stuck with us. Did you ever try.

Why am I always the stupid idiot that puts in so much effort and no one has ever did that for me before?

I'll always be faced with the same old scars.
Rejections from friends, the fake friendship and even a harmless one sided love.

I only have HIM. HE who knows how badly I want to burst out crying.