I was feeling relatively better today. I thought, wow things seems to be changing for the better, I guess I will be able to go for the dinner later. I was thinking if i should go or not, but since it's probably gonna be the only time I see my friend for the last time before she flies off and since it's for her birthday, might as well make some effort, probably just try to control so they wont be so scared.

So as usual we were late and when I met them, guess what they started saying?
OH I dont want to fall sick.
Ok fine first time I let it pass as a joke. Then came the time when we were walking towards the restaurant. While walking there, I had no choice but to cough as I has phlegm in my throat thatonly started irritating me when I left the house. But with that cough, once again the same thing happened and they walked a distance from me. I pretended I didnt notice. Next when we were looking through the menu before seating into the restaurant, I suggested ordering the set menu to share and they were like 'are you kidding me?' Obviously I know my limits and by suggesting that, I meant that I would probably take food first and ensure I dont use my own culteries to take food. But hearing that kind of reaction was really quite a stab. My limit was reached when we were being seated and everyone was trying not to seat near me.

I got irritated and i just stood up saying that I can go back home. then they started saying they didn't mean it and stuff so I was like 'ok chill chill. celebration. chill.' But right after that they were whispering how they really dont wish to fall sick and stuff. I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up. I said, 'Im going home.' They didn't want me to go off. But I inisisted on leaving. I walked out quickly and started tearing.

Weren't secondary school friends suppose to be the everlasting friendships? Why is it that I cant see that. It's only our 2nd year after we have graduated and this is what we have become. Catching up one like every 6 months. And when I am sick, the most you guys could care about is yourselves. So why did I bother thinking so much for you guys? Ensuring I had enough tissues so I dont have to cough/sneeze directly at you guys and taking my share of food first etc etc.

I was just really upset. I mean it's not like I chose to be sick, or that I like to go around infecting people with my germs. I already feel insecure about what others think about me when i sneeze and cough on my way there and i still have to face it directly with you guys. Can't you guys think for me? It's me facing 3 you know. Put yourselves in my shoes. Yes maybe you didn't mean it but try going through what I went through, everything that doesn't mean anything, means something to me.

These few days I have just been so alone and I though my friends would care for me, sadly, it was the total opposite. Afterall I guess what they say is true, family is more trustworthy than friends. Even though I told my sister I would be out for dinner, she still smsed me to ask if I wanted her to buy back any food.

After crying my eyes out in the toilet, I came out and looked into the mirrior. OMGGGGGG my eyes were so red and swollen. I hate it when I cry. Super cannot hide. Then I talked to Peter, forever, my most trustworthy crying bucket. Luckily he was free to just hear me out. Talked to him about the WHOLE thing while walking out of Square 2 head facing ground. Then went off to find for mel since she was around town cos I refused to go back with my 2 swollen eyes and risk having the same treatment.

It was a real emotional draining day for me.

OH and I HATE singtel for cancelling my callerid when I SPECIFICALLY said that I wanted it when I changed plan. Making me unable to reject calls today:( having to pick up every single damn call as I was crying.