I WANT TO MOVE OUT.
i really want to.

i hate her. i hate how she likes to find fault with me when i am trying my best.
i hate how i am restricted financially, i hate me for who i am.

sometimes i just think that maybe i would be better off as a mute or a deaf person. then she wouldn't be able to find faults with me.

i know i shouldnt be saying all these but i just cannot take it sometimes. i want to have my own family, one that can be like regular warm family.

i hate the fact that MONEY breaks up my whole family.
splitting of inheritance, problems that make us cranky, greed of earning more that takes all my time.

i just don't know what to do. i don't know what she wants. i dont know what HE wants and plans.


26He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.--- was it meant for me?

im afraid of the world.

even though i feel like i am growing spiritually small steps at a time, falling and picking myself up with the help of friends, more and more problems are thrown at me one after another. maybe he's testing me.

give me a way.