BACK FROM CG17 RETREAT

ok basically it was a very short camp.. i reached church at like 6.30? and we started the bbq.. but i felt that this retreat didn't bring us together as CG17 at all... and very first sight was the guys and girls separating. which is damn obvious... then we had the quiet group and noisy group for the girls... i was at the quiet group.. hahah don't be too shocked cos at church i always belong to the quiet side..

anyway so i already kind of regretted going for the camp.. but after bbq, we watched a movie called 'Facing the Giants' which is a really good christian movie.. it's really touching... then we had night games which was relatively fun cos everyone was trying to get along and stuff. like there was actually effort put into it maybe cos we were suppose to go through the night games as a group? my group was ok.. just that my group members keep thinking im angry.. hhahahah

then we slept at 3+am.. we woke up this morning at 8?
anyway the part i really want to get it off my chest was when we broke out into groups for talentnight.. we were suppose to spilt according to our usual CG group.. however the number of members in each group was too different.. after we combine also cannot so we(grp leaders) decided to reshuffle everybody.. but there were so many pple whose attitude was so bad... and i was put in charge of briefing, but i felt really offended when i was explaining and this girl went 'yah yah yah.. next next.' i mean i wouldn't mind if she was joking but i couldn't tell that she was joking.. it's like i felt so disliked then.. i mean it has been like this most of the time.. i feel like however i act and whatever i do, nobody ever likes me for who i am.. it shouldn't be this way should it? it's a church.. the place i find comfort in.. but sometimes... i never feel that way...

but anyhow, my own group came up with brilliant ideas cos, duh, they have me. hahah and we actually had a lot of fun... i thought we had like at least a better bond even if it wasn't a BIG change.. and i think the other group had a good bit of fun too.. but at the end of the day we still broke up into our cliques.



dear lord, you know how it has been for me in church since young.. you know i suffered quite a bit for just merely liking someone and it still stays with me.. no matter what i do and how i have since changed, i still get that same kind of treatment.. i hate it. i really hate it. maybe the problem does not lie in those pple alone.. maybe in me too.. i really don't know.. if there is a problem with me, help me realise it and change it with your holy words.. let your words be deeply engraved in my heart so that no matter what happens i know you still love me and all that matters is you.
AMEN