CRAZY LIFE

i haven't updated in quite a while cos it's all just ranting of fustrations.

basically, had 2 test this week f&b and comm skills. BOTH WAS BAD. gosh i need to work DAMN hard for my exams. OR ELSE I'LL DIE.

anyway i got such a shocking news. those who know where i work, i got a collegue, also a part timer that i always work with. SHE GOT BANNED FROM WHERE I WORK. and for what reasons?

cos she got caught using her phone in the STAFF lift AFTER WORK by the GM. im not naming any places or name here in case got problems. BUT what the hell lah. it's after work lor. what the hell do you want right.

IF I COULD I SHOUT IN THE GM'S EAR. I WOULD. what the hell lah. work's over lor.

BREAKING APART

IM GONNA BREAK DOWN AND CRY ANY MOMENT. why is it SO tough. i know it's partly my fault also. but still. after like almost 2/3 months i still cant adapt. i still feel like im screwing up.

I HATE MY LIFE.
I HATE ME

WHOOOOOOOO connect echo has taken place. damn.. but the separating part :(



anyway guess what. the moment step into wow hall, i see SAMSON. ok i never blogged about him but he's this kid that WHOLE day like to disturb me. he finds it amusing. and as you can guess...... he started disturbing me.



TAKE MY PHONE
TAKE MY WALLET
TAKE MY SLIPPERS
TAKE MY BAG
TAKE THE THINGS IN MY WALLET THEN RETURN ME MY EMPTY WALLET



it was crazy ok. like a maniac screaming at him trying to get him to return my stuff... eventually it's like CONNECT CAMP REPLAY.



hahha but i really feel at home with connect camp peeps.



OHH and i like my group. hahha every fun lor. we are the Js. hahah cos our group got a lot of pple with names starting with J and JESUS. hahha i love the 'longest' game. HAHAH my hair which is usually of not much good use since it's so DRY, was actually of some use today. HAHAHH cos of the length. *look like a crazy idiot pull hair from both sides of head* hahah but FUN FUN FUN.



ohh the loudhailers have a tradition.

TO ATTACK SHAUN WITH OUR VOICE THE MOMENT WE ARE GATHERED AND SEE HIM.

i added law in to. HAHHA ohh and shaun has his own 'shield' hahha his *CLURCK* thing. lousy lah compared to our voices :)



OHHHH guess what. SAMSON can be nice too. hahha he actually bought me a can of drink when i was busy whining to get others to give me some of their drink/ treat me to one. hahah i didn't ask him lor.



got this very sweet video that one lecturer showed during lecture. DAMN CUTE LOR

hahah im such a smart girl i think

HAHAHHAHA i know alot of you are like NOOOOO

anyway.. this is my busy week man.. this calander excludes meal times and the time i need to study for my upcoming class test and travelling time :(

i hope you can actually see it. NICOLE, MINYI, ZHI WEI, SARAH!!! here's your schedule. HAHHA tried sending but it failed pathetically. hahah. OHH the most impt part.

and

WHOOOO hahah i still think im so smart.. hahha CONNECT ECHO IS TMR. how exciting. CANT WAIT TO SEE EVERYONEEE :)

updates

this week has been relatively good.

GOD works in wonderful ways. ways that you can never imagine.
i can never keep track on the projects i have to do and all the datelines. on friday night however, as random as it can get, i suddenly remembered that i have RHT project due today. but at that point of time i was damn sleepy so i just thought 'damn. i'll just go to sentosa after the lunch meeting with sec friends.' and i just fell asleep. the next morning, i PULLED myself out of bed and called my other grp mates to remind them about the project and told them that i was going to senota at 4. then.. when it came to telling nicole, she was like mad at me.

then came a BIGG arguement.

when we were on the way to sentosa we didnt't talk at all. but when we slipt ways to start on our surveys, both of us paired up and we HAD to talk. haahha but everything turned out fine after we talked.

SENTOSA IS DAMN NICE LAH. i havent been there for such a long time.. I WANNA GO BACK THERE TO PLAY.

ohhh im quite happy. i saw my grade for intHT project. the one on NYNY and i got B+ :) im a happy girl. at least it wasnt the worst i had imagine.

and comm skills project is done.. we managed to fix our F&B and now just macroecons. YAY. OHHHHH still got RHT and F&B test.. so much but i finally feel what it's like to have GOD in control. it's just good.

TENNIS IN TP

GUESS WHO'S HERE BESIDE ME IN TP?

NICOLE CHOW. imagine her in tp lah.. hahha so rare right. but she didnt come for me lah obviously. hahah she came for TENNIS. and now she's ignoring me for tennis even though im like staying FOR HER. IM SO NICE CAN.

today was really not a very good day for me. it's like as though everyone was releasing stress out on me. im just thinking too much but it's a girl's instinct thing lah.. and not to mention the out of sight out of mind thing didn't work out today although it's suppose to work out since i didn't see him.

im gonna go crazy at this rate.

anyway.... F&B was scary today.. hahah mr chia is like always moody at the start of the day. and saying moody, IT'S REALLY SCARY. but it always gets better with time. HAHAH and the PBL went well.. he was alot better than ms mariah telling us our mistakes guiding us back to the right track. THANK YOU SO MUCH. it makes me feel less stressed out.

i just realised im really quite tennis dumb. HAHAH i have absolutely no idea what the hell they are talking about sometimes.

BETTER OFF ALONE

great song i think. she has SUCH a great voice.

it really hurts

it hurts so bad.
even though i have no idea. it's that uncertainty that kills me.
i wish i never knew him. it'll be a hell lot better

out of sight out of mind----FAILED

mission out of sight out of mind failed.
HOWHOW?

anyway, today marks the last day of APEL. it was the most lively lesson lah. we had to present the eulogy we wrote for ourselves. so this was mine. didn't really do it properly cos had to rush so that i could start discussing F&B project.

so if i die. this is what i hope to hear. hahah

grace was a capable women, able to handle both work life and family life, being sucessful in work and also family oriented. she was also a committed servent or God, being a testimony of God with her actions.
she has always been more than willing to help others within her means, being well liked wherever she goes. she was also a cheerful girl even in the times where she felt the lowest. she also gives a listening ear to those who needed it and bring back a smile to their faces.
she will be missed dearly by her family and friends but she is now back with the Heavenly father and at peace.

i hope this is really what becomes of me in the future :)

im so sick of afternoon lessons lor. SUPER DRAINING can. couldn't understand anything during RHT lecture and i was SOOOO sleepy. i was trying to sleep but i couldn't. then i tried to wake up but i couldn't either. so i ended up being half awake and half asleep. sucks lah... like you got no control over your mind and body.

WHOOOO gonna go collect my pay later. i hope got ALOT ALOT cos i need to get some stuff the requires money. but i hope they don't bug me to work.

OH OH i got 2 blister! one on each of my foot. at the back, you know when you wear court shoes. sucks lahhh super pain lor. one burst then it's REALLY REALLY painful. the other one just feels watery. EWWW ok. im just gonna use that as an excuse to not work. HAHAHAH hopefully it succeeds :)

DONT THINK DONT THINK DONT THINK.

out of sight out of mind

WHOOOOO hahah im with abby now! :) and she wants me to say that SHE'S THE BEST. hahah had a nice talk and crazy laugh with her over stuff. hahah she was so guai can. actually doing her work. seeing her do math and looking through her bio notes, i suddenly remembered how sec school was like and i REALLY missed it.

OHH story of the day.
i was in the rush to get out of the house cos i knew i was going to be late and i changed without my contacts on. so i wore my shirt inside out and i didnt even realise it until i was waiting for the mrt. suddenly it was like WHY I GOT A TAG STICKING OUT FROM MY SHIRT? then i check the seaming. CRAP... inside out. and i couldnt change lor cos running late then i quicking put on my jacket trying to hide the tag on the back and the tag sticking out from the side. HAHAHAH seriously all the weird weird funny funny things happen to me.

im quite upset over something but im gonna try to let go of it slowly. im sure i got God's help. OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.

OUT OUT OUT YOU GO

that's more like it :)

dreaded day..

AT LAST MY PRESENTATION WAS OVER.

THANK GOD.
even though i still cant really let go of it, i know i can't do anything to it and i have other projects to care about. have to move on.

i don't even know what to say about the presentation. i was scared out of my nerves before our turn cos kezia's grp was super confident and was so prepared. just kept reading the verse edwin sent me to calm myself down.

'in christ alone, i place my trust, and find my glory in the power of the cross, in every victory, let it be said of me, my source my strength, my source of hope, in christ alone.'

anyway there was something i meant to post a long time ago but i never got around to doing it. the last time i felt damn depressed about the project, while i was on my way home ALONE, i suddenly received an sms that was just super like a miracle can. from my friend that i haven't had time to catch up with. and that sms was from YILING! just want to let you know how much that sms meant to me at that point of time.

i just lost my mood for blogging :( im tired anyway and have to go school early for make up class. damn.

I AM OFFICIAL EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

AND BROKE UNTIL CANNOT BROKE.

my mum expects me to pay for what she should be paying. and not like i didn't TRY to spend less but money is still flowing away in some other form when i cut down on eating. DAMN IT. i am super super duper not looking forward to tmr. that damn presentation. i just want to get it done and over with. i want to do well but i highly doubt so.

GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO PULL THROUGH AND THE COURAGE TO FACE IT
i really really need it. not just for that presentation, for my life.

i really really really need to organise my life. i dunno what the hell is happening to me. too overwhelmed with happenings of my life? it's like everyday is a drama for me. let's just recap what happened this morning

i slept at 430 this morning after washing up from work. was deciding whether to sleep or just stay awake till morning but i was TOO tired so i slept. i set my alarm at 7 BUT i woke up only at 1045 with a phone call of my friend.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING AT HOME AT THIS TIME ON A MONDAY? im suppose to be in school having a boring lecture. i was so angry with myself. this is like the 2nd time i didn't go for macroecons and happens that these topics are quite complicated. I AM SUCH A IDIOT. then i had to reach school asap cos i had to attend the grp discussion for our presentation tmr. but you know considering i stay at the other end of singapore and the long time i need to get out of the house, i decided to take a cab to buy back time that i wasted through sleeping. i took $10 from my sister without telling her(which i feel damn bad for but i really had no more money) and took the cab. HEARTPAIN you know. the meter jump so fast and ionly had $17 on me. i was desperately praying that it would stop at $17 but it went up to $20. so i asked clement if he was free to come and save me. HAHAH in case the uncle was unreasonable over that few dollars. happened that the uncle was damn nice to let me off after i emptied my whole wallet.

SO I WAS REALLY BROKE
and i havent even ate or drank anything.
and i just started on the project.
WORK TAKES MIND OFF HUNGER.
anyhow, i managed to tahan until 4 on an empty stomach.
HOW PRO RIGHT. then i had no choice but to borrow money from nicole. I HATE BORROWING MONEY.

MONEY SUCKS.
yes it really does.
the way it tries to kill me.

SO THAT WAS MY MORNING. how drama.

let me be a bit happier.

hahah ok. lets see what good things i have done these few days.
i........... skipped a total of 750 times. so i've made some organisation donate 75 bowls of rice:)
i........... learnt to give up my seat to those who need it more
i........... started to take notes during sermon
i........... decided to start a prayer book. HAHHA my own lah. to thank HIM if he answered my prayers
i........... got a new laptop
i........... finished my project
i........... CUT DOWN ON SPENDING SO MUCH ON FOOOD

my week was good on the bright side.
let's.......... just look at that only how bout that.

NOOOO i need to complain

ok. SOOO for the record. i got 2 classes cancelled in one week. at the last min. ***CLAPS*** who can get luckier than me man. and GUESS WHAT. i wasn't even informed EVEN when they knew i stay the furtherest and they knew it like super early.

i felt so left out that moment. those that i trusted will inform me, didn't.
even when i was like practically the last person to find out, i still worried that my friends didn't know.

then who cared about me?

you're all gonna find me in a depressed state soon.

i find that all my friends are drifting away. friends are suppose to make the effort to compromise aren't they? why is it that i am always the one compromising?


i can't wait till i find that someone who can be there for me no matter what. I NEED THAT

oh on a happier note. i got an A for macroecons and 33/40 for POM. dunno what grade is that and i can't be bothered to go find out how to calculate it. YAY but still academics is just academics. i need my life.

SIGHHHHHHH :(

I WANT TO MOVE OUT.
i really want to.

i hate her. i hate how she likes to find fault with me when i am trying my best.
i hate how i am restricted financially, i hate me for who i am.

sometimes i just think that maybe i would be better off as a mute or a deaf person. then she wouldn't be able to find faults with me.

i know i shouldnt be saying all these but i just cannot take it sometimes. i want to have my own family, one that can be like regular warm family.

i hate the fact that MONEY breaks up my whole family.
splitting of inheritance, problems that make us cranky, greed of earning more that takes all my time.

i just don't know what to do. i don't know what she wants. i dont know what HE wants and plans.


26He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.--- was it meant for me?

im afraid of the world.

even though i feel like i am growing spiritually small steps at a time, falling and picking myself up with the help of friends, more and more problems are thrown at me one after another. maybe he's testing me.

give me a way.

this is gonna be damn emo.

i feel like hiding from the whole world right now.
the stress from time that past and cannot be turned back
the impending dateline
the helplessness im feeling now since i can't view a single thing on this com
and that someone

i want to go back to the father and only see him. but i know that would only be not facing the challenge he has given me that he knows i can overcome. i just feel so messed up in the head that i don't even know what to do. it doesn't help when im feeling so confused over matters of the heart.

GOD JUST SAVE ME.

im really helpless now. tell me what to do. give me directions.

IM LOST

started the day off really bad today.

1st i forgot my thumbdrive and there was a discussion that was to be graded but by then it was too late to go home. then on my way walking into school, my necklace broke.

then went to com lab to go refind for the articles cos i know where to find then had trouble printing then my friend accidentally shut down the com.. my other friend said nvm cos got history so i was like OH YA HOR.. then when the com on again the history was not recorded. so i had to look for it again then send to my email.

anyway after that when we had break and went to do our intro to ht grp project i suddenly felt so depressed cos it's like as though our project never really moved at all from the start to now. i dunno what to do and how to do.

projects just ruined my life.

can't believe it's gonna cont for the next 2 and a half years...

IM SAD.


listen to this song.. got it from dawn's web.




The thing about love
Is i never saw it coming
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise
And now there’s a voice inside my heart that’s got me wondering
Is this true, i want to hear it one more time
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again
Thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there’s no end in sight
The thing about me is that i really want to let you
Open that door and walk into my life
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
And it feels like it’s the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love

Say it again (x9)

When you tell me you’re in love…
Say it again
Ohhh...Ohhhhhh

i wish

i pon POM lecture again.. my goodness i hope i wont be so lost tutorial. anyway, im seriously glad im still surviving poly cos with the amount of blurness i have, i don't know how many more times this kind of thing will happen to me.

first, i couldnt find my timetable. then after the LONG 2 weeks break, i absolutely cannot remember what subjects i have today so i anyhow pick the textbooks to bring. then turns out i brought extra textbook and my bag was damn heavy.

2nd, i was reminded by my friend on the bus that there was PBL consultation 3. AND I FREAKED OUT. i mean i knew of it but it slipped my mind cos i didnt have my timetable. but when the consultation started, it turned out pretty well.. maybe cos we were the first group and the teacher was in a good mood so it wasn't that bad. and we came up with ideas on the spot. HAHAHA which was good lah.

3rd, i found out that we were suppose to do in total 4 articles instead of 2. so i was like CRAP. that's when i decided to skip lecture and do my analysis. but i didnt do much before sarah's laptop batt flat(she didnt bring charger). so i was left with absolutely nothing to do and nobody to be with me. then suddenly like got no friends. HAHAHAH so i just read a book(also about a person with no friends HAHAHAH what luck) then when i was absorbed into the story, my friends called me cos the lecture was over.

soo.. that was my day. haha OHHH i saw wan zhen for the 1st time in school. hahha STARED at her for a while before she noticed me.

tmr must go school earlier to discuss project.. i never reseach on whatever im suppose to. HHAHAH i'll just randomly propose something lah.

to further prove how screwed my body clock is, i couldnt sleep at 2am ytd. so tossed and turned until maybe 3am then fell asleep. the suppose to wake up at 6am so that i wont rush and end up forgetting things that are very important for my report that has to be submitted today BUT i didnt hear it so onlt woke up at 630. ended up rushing anyhow. then went for to school at the usual time. as per normal, the train was crowded that i was praying for a seat cos i was still feeling sleepy. then i saw a girl, seating down, holding a SP book. hahah so i knew she would be getting off at dover so i stood like infront of her. HEH HEH. and i got my seat. so i slept....... then when i finally woke up with a call from my friend, i looked at the clock on my phone and 8.45????? i shouldnt even still be on the train at 845!! then the train also like suddenly FILLED with pple. which shouldn't happen if im nearing tampines... so i waited for the announcement. PAYA LEBAR.

MY GOODNESS. how stupid can. i slept all the way to pasir ris and NO KIND SOUL woke me up. ok fine maybe they tried. and then the train went past tampines again and to paya lebar. SOOOO i was late. ONCE AGAIN. how not surprising right. when i finally reach tp, it was like 930. i totally didnt want to go into the lecture hall lor. SO EMBARRASSING LEH. everybody will be looking at you. but you see being such a good girl (HAHA), i still went in. AND YEA. EVERYONE LOOKED AT ME. then once i sat down, KS was like 'no wonder i felt like something's missing.' hell funny KS. then on my other side was Alister, whom i didnt notice cos i was busy making myself look at the floor to save myself from embarrassment. he also!! right after KS made his statement, he's like 'Grace, you very early hor.' and still look at his watch. i was like ' LONG STORY.'

yes. joke of the day. laugh all you want. laughter is the best medicine :)

my body clock is seriously screwed up lah.
on friday, i went to mel's house to do my work cos need to borrow her laptop. so i worked through the whole night and only slept at 6 plus when i reached home.
then i woke up at like 11 to prepare to go for work. sucked lah.. work starts at 5 and i have to go there at like 130 to bring new pple there. and im not even getting paid extra. GUESS WHAT. pple can be so irresponsible. just because they think that it's so damn early, they decided to be late and dont even call to tell us. making us look like a big loser waiting for like 1hr at orchard.

i was feeling so tired when work started but i was amazed at how i was able to memorise EVERY COURSE of the menu.. hahah cos i was like brain dead due to lack of sleep. then i think cos i so long never work already, my back and legs was aching like crap. then after the event, i had to carry all the centre pieces away and its SOOO heavy can. i carried like at least 8. then from then on, my mood became REALLY bad and i was using the f word, which i know i shouldn't be using but i really couldnt help it. i was supposed to end work at 1 but guess what. cos im such a hard working girl and i dont look at the time while working, i worked past 1 and by that time the transport would have already left and had to stay till 2.. that made my temper worse cos nobody even called for the 1am staff. SIGH.. what i get for being hardworking.

then when i could finally go home, there were so many pple on the same transport route that i reached home at 4am. was so tired on the van lah but couldnt sleep properly.. was half-awake and half-asleep. throughout the whole journey, both kairul and i were half-wake half asleep. then he keep leaning onto me, so i just shoved him away saying in that sleepy tone 'kai! you damn heavy lah' hahah and i kept knocking my head on the window. after we finally woke up, i couldnt sleep anymore but i kept disturbing him cos he still wanted to sleep.

reach home at 4 then still have to bathe and wash my hair so ended up sleeping at 530 and woke up with ABBY'S call at 1045. RUSHED out of the house in 5mins and made my way to TPYM. reached there late and couldn't call abby, or shaun. so being so helpless and unfamiliar with the environment, i just followed the sound of worship and went to their sanctuary. i thought it was the right one but could find anyone i knew then someone came up to me and asked if i was looking for shaun then brought me to where TPYM was having their service.

i like their service. like it's really for the youngsters and it is the same pple that take up roles to serve god, which in my church, you can easily hid from it cos there are always older pple who seem more capable of doing a better job.

then we had lunch and dawn met us and went back to church. then i started on my reports while most of the others had exco meeting. after all the meetings, and i had completed my reports, we( suzanne, abby, jacob, clement, shaun, ling hui , jolene and me) went to eat dinner. we went to FOOD ADDICT and we met bonnie and lawrence. actually the place is bonnie's sister's so not surprising to see bonnie there i guess. then law and bonnie are one family, extended family. hahah another explaination. hahah should be correct if i didnt hear wrongly. hahah DINNER WAS GREAT LAH.. realised how funny jolene is. she's very cute can and motherly. and it's a COMPLIMENT. really.

ohhh best part of dinner.

they decided to play a joke on me cos i ordered cake. i was wondering why the cake so long then i see shaun and law SNEAKILY hiding the cake. at first i thought it was meant for law's mum i think cos it's her birthday but we already sang her a song just now and she had her cake liao. so i thought maybe 2nd round or something

then they headed to our table then everyone STARED at me and started to sing a birthday song. i was like WHATTTTTTTT.. hhaha and they wanted me to play along with them lor. take photo happily like it's my birthday today.then still must cut the originally small cake into 8 pieces. OHH then i gave everyone one piece and suzanne ate the cake then suddenly she gave that damn shocked look and everybody looked like thay just remembered something. she's lactose-intolerant. kept asking her to spit it out but she didnt want to. she said she'll get a stomach ache when she takes things with milk... hope she's fine..

im tired of typing liao.. haha got ALOT more lor.. maybe tmr..

just a reminder for myself.
serving, is ultimately for God. you must know why you are doing it and even so, do it with a humble heart and all.
there is no such thing as a better role or what someone can take in church
whether you are the one wiping the floor after service or the speaker, they are each serving God in their own ways.
it is only through this where we all function as various parts, that we form a body with a head that is led by Christ
- Shaun tan. :)

I DUNNO HOW TO DO A STUPID NEWS ANALYSIS. and i just remembered i have a damn sample at home.. so im just waiting till the stupid buses start operating.. now i lost my sleep but my body is so so so so tired.. how am i gonna go work? i've decided to like quit or at least put my feet down and say NO WORK WHILE SCHOOLING.. its too hard. JUST MURDER ME NOW.. BOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO