emotional

work is terrible now. everyone is just emotional unstable. at least it's not just me now. my temper has such a short fuse now. im amazed at how the guuys at work can take it and not give me a tight slap in the face. HAHAH honestly. i think i deserve that.

can't wait for school to start! a bit stupid lah but school's quite fun lah. and you are actually busy doing work. but then i won't be able to work, then no extra money, then cannot shop :(

i just rebonded my hair ytd. it's soft rebonding so it's not ruler straight. I LOVE IT.

but my mum dont. i dont get why she's like this. she can never understand how it feels to have my hair. she takes it so lightly but she never ever went through it before. what does she know.

i don't know why my family is like this. no communication. no nothing.



ANYWAYS. i still love my hair. but i blew like 180. but the hair dresser is damn professional. I LOVE HIM. hahah his salon is good lor.

Ministry of Hair Spa. LOVE DON. hahah damn good.

NO WORK

following that damn asshole incident with my agent person, i officially have no more work until sat and sun. EVERYBODY ELSE IS WORKING THIS WHOLE WEEK LAH. im angry. i honestly am. why is she so petty. i wouldn't even know that im working on sat and sun if i didn't sms her to ask her about it.



OH ASSHOLE. im gonna be so broke. i need another job man.

f1 was fun and tiring. my timing was like 10 am to 2 am for all three days. barely slept inbetween but it ended off quite well and i didnt do anything stupid hahah. totally didn't know anything about f1 so no use being able to watch the race while i work. worked with a great bunch of people.

SCREW UP EMOTIONS

im so freaking screwed from the inside out.

emotionally unstable, unable to get a grip of my heart and mind and anger management are my BIGGEST flaws.

and the biggest BIGGEST is insecurity.

i doubt my own capabilities. i cannot control my mind. i seriously do not know what the hell happened to me. i can barely have a clear mind. be clear of what i need to do next and stuff. it's affecting me damn badly. at work, im just so slow. and everyone is just helping me, which makes it more obvious to me that im SLOW.

today's dinner was just not my best effort. i knew it. i could have done the dinner better. it's like i wonder was it my fault? but it's really hard to handle the new system of service with me being vip server. i can't leave the damn table. then when i have a troublesome 2nd table to take care of, i can't. and i get a guest angry cos i didn't get for her what she wanted.

everything was just hidden subconsiciously in my brain. it was screwed before it even started. and everything came pouring out when my agent called me. and just to note: my form of releasing stress is to cry or get angry. so i was angry with her cos she was practically forcing me to go work at novotell tmr just after i finally knocked of work.

i mean you tell me last min and expect me to work. i know i've always just like 'forget it lah. just go and work', always say i will set my foot down one day and not have such a soft heart but it never happened, until today. but i felt very bad after that. cos my tone was not good at all.



im just so sick and tired of myself.

i feel like im always an empty shell of skin. that's it. nothing worth to listen to. nothing worth to remember about, nothing worth to care about.

now i know how is it like to need HIM to be the light in my life.

so bring me back.

romantic marriage

I SO WANNA GET MARRIED!!!

hahah i just witness the most romantic wedding dinner totally top the one before(when the guy actually recorded all the messages btw them throughout their relationship) maybe cos i went through the whole solemnisation. it was like just pure blessing and love. it was so sweet. the guy prepared a song in secret and even created a distraction and got me to block incase the wife turned around.



this was the song that he sang. it was SO ROMANTIC CAN.

OHHH hahah and it doesn't hurt that there were so many cute guys. hahah rather than the usually mature business adults. there was one guy that was SO CUTE. i think the bride's brother. their family has good genes lah. all so good looking.

im updating so early cos i finished worked at 4.30 just now and by the time i finish washing up and stuff it's close to 7 already. and to keep me from sleeping and never waking up, i decided to use the computer. HAHAHA.

i love it when they play all the love songs in the ballroom when ther's no guest around. it's super nice. LOVE IT.

MOVIE NEED

DAMN it's been a long time since i've checked the movies. I SO WANNA WATCH 2 MOVIES.

make it happen & my sassy girl.

IM IN A MOVIE NEED. hhahahah

anyway didn't get to update about my funny day ytd. it's like as though ytd was like despo guy day. hahah for me at least.

i had a guest. EYEING me the whole time. i knew it but what can i do right. i was working. can't possibly shout STOP LOOKING AT ME. i wanted to. then he walked by me and touched my butt ok. ASSHOLE. but after that he left so i figured it's a one off thing and i probably will never see him again so might as well not kick up a fuss.

then. i had a guy, who was at the back doing the washing of plates and stuff. yes. hitting on me during work. i mean im like super used to this. but it felt weird cos the whole back area was small and it's not banquet, where there's hell lots of people. then he offered to send me home. HELL NO. it's just weird having people whom you're not close to, to send you home. you're like stuck with them for the whole trip and have to talk all the way, entertaining them.

then when i was on the way home, placing my uniform back, happens that a security guard was taking the life back down also and like randomly say that he'll send me back since he stay at jurong area also but he's working till 11. PHEW. then talked to me like we're CHUM CHUM. so i just played along. wanted to get away but HARD. then exchanged numbers and i went off. he's probably like 24/26? i think. HAHAHAH then after that when i was gonna bathe at like 12 plus, he called me and started talking a lot. WHICH I DONT LIKE. he's going to china like on sunday so he was saying he'll buy me stuff and whatever. plus clothes. OK. and not to mention he said he's ex-gf is like born in the same year as me also.
OK SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY.
then he like indirectly asked me out to the movies but i just gave crap reasons.

hahahah BUT NOW I WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. but with FRIENDS. real friends.

i hate the work environment sometimes. it's like what the hell happened to GOOD GUYS?

what an interesting day right?
NOOOOOO



MOVIE DATE ANYONE?

hey there

haven't been posting for a LONGGGG time. so i'll just make it up with a LONGGGG post.

have been thinking a lot the past few days.
BIG GOALS i must say that i've set for myself.

EARN LOTSA LOTSA LOTSA MONEY DURING THIS HOLS
get a 2nd part time job(pending)
save enough money to pay for a trip for my sis, mom and me to KL(even if it's just KL)
BUY AN ELECTRIC OVEN(so that i can bake lovely stuff for the children in church)

that's about all the new stuff with me. hahah

IT'S THE START OF HOLS
is it boring or is it just me.

OK I KNOW THE ANSWER. it's just me.

i am probably the ONLY one who is so boring. ytd was actually the last day of my exam at 1130. usually people go out right after that. but guess what? this boring person's life you're reading about went back home and used the computer from the time she reach home till 12.

i just want my work to start.

at least im getting money even if my life was a boring routine.

i just wonder. what have we(friends) turn out to be? alot of us don't even keep in contact. and when i actually take the first step out, our convo is just so shallow. i wished i was back to secondary school. i was alot closer to some friends. i had what i worked so hard for. my running. but i gave it up for Os and never made the effort to take it back again. which i kind of regret. when i was running, i think i was a better person. i wasn't so lazy, i worked hard to earn my progress, i was closer to GOD.

MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH. i dunno if it's good of bad. but i know the world has separated me and GOD quite a bit. which is not good at all.

don't wanna grow up anymore. i see my uncle having problems cos he's retiring this year but wanna find another job so that there's still cash coming in. and my aunt(who's married to him) is just working part time also. i don't wanna end up like them. CAN'T I JUST MARRY A RICH GUY? i mean i worry about money from young. please dont let me worry about money when im old.

i cannot even imagine myself at like 25.it'll be damn sad if im not married by then. i'll be still working my ass off with no one to take care of me. HOW SAD.

OK COME ON MAN. IT'S THE HOLS.

CHEER UP

tired bug

i am SO reminded of why i ABSOLUTELY HATE working. i end up having tired bugs in me. even though i slept like close to 12 hours everday now. since there's no school. and i dont even do anything energy draining. I HATE THIS FEELING. im so tired everywhere. every single inch of my body.

DAMN IT

cont

OHH i forgot. what kinda made my day ytd was this cute guy! hahahha at work. but he wasn't like a part timer. he was with the florist people so didn't get the chance to like talk to him :( hahah but SO CUTE. hahah

work work

finally went to work like after dunno how long. too many things have changed. mainly people. banquet now is becoming more and more important. and i was pushed to do the chariman's table. which i didnt think i was up to. the chairman is very scary!!!!!!!! actually all serious business man and important people are. cos they socialise ALOT then when we, lowly servents, have to do all the menial things like clearing plates, which end up having to interrupt their very important conversations.

hate to do for these kind of events and kena the table that is all businessmen. it's nerve-rattling cos they can be happy at one moment then just because you wrong timing then very irritated with you. STRESSSSSS.

but prof Tommy Koh is one NICE man. i've only heard his name before and what a powerful person he was from my history teacher and it's no suprise. he is a man of character. no wonder he can go so far. probably the most polite person and full of just goodness in him. very cute. hahha cos he was the only person on the table to actually applause after the band played finish their piece. and it was sincere. could tell. and he talked to me. hahah im so honored. plus i think the sweetest part was when i saw him and his wife walking down the stairs going home. they were holding hands ok. SUCH A NICE GUY.

on the whole, i think yesterday was a pretty good day considering that the worst case senerio did not occur.

i pretty much improve a great lot on my 'public speaking' i guess. haha IM HAPPY :):):)

love is in the air, just not the kinda air around me

i just feel more lonely than ever with absolutely no direction and no one out there for me. im tired of this life.

post bbq with collegues

bbq wasnt like how i expected to be. i was like the guai-er ones. cos the rest smokes and drinks. YEA there were drinks. luckily i could escape it with excuse like UNDERAGE. they damn scary can. bring brandy, whiskey and vodka. if im not underage confirm force me to drink one lor.

so many things changed since the last time i've worked. now im really scared for sat. heard that for every little mistake they'll pick on you and DEMOTE you. WTH lah.

DEMOTE DEMOTE LAH. scared what scared. HUH! im sure i'll find another work place that values me more. HAHAHA

dunno lah. then today after meeting my collegue that i havent seen for like a really long time, i found out that she got together with this other collegue and broke up like after 4 months. and he was there at the bbq too. i didn't know what to say to comfort her lah.. just hear her speak lor. then she got drunk. and it was like damn out of control.

it was damn sad to see her in that state. it was so sad.
she was drunk when talking crap to my other friend then suddenly from the corner of her eye she was staring at the guy playing with this other girl and stopped talking immediately. after i found out the reason why she stopped talking, i quickly prompted to continue with her conversation. cos she doesn't want other people to know. and just quickly advised her to sit with her back facing the guy.

everyone seems to be moving along so quickly in life. what about me?
im still stuck in the same spot.

always so easily forgotten by people. i really wonder why sometimes.

was just reflected upon the journey home.
is my attitude really that bad? how am i as a person? why is it that i always get the feeling like people don't want to talk to me?

OK FULLSTOP.

YOU'RE THINKING TOO MUCH.

happy!

im so happy presentation is over! all my work was worth it man. hahha now comes the hardest part. trying to get myself to sit down and study. gonna study later in school. HOPEFULLY it's productive if not im like pretty dead for exams.

IM SO STUPID i even agreed to work on sat. that's like almost 2 days worth of studying gone cos i'll be so tired. should have just stood firm in my point of view where i don't want to work. i think they love to ask me to work cos they know i'll eventually say yes no matter what.

DARN. such a dumb stupid soft hearted person. get used.

GONNA HAVE A BBQ TONIGHT. with collegues!
OHHHH im like eating a hell lot less cos im so restricted by money. you totally cannot believe it. i skipp breakfast and dinner. sort of lah. cos my meals are at damn weird times. so i don't even know what to call them. I SAVED 2 DOLLAR YTD SOMEMORE. hahah first time even when im already eating so little.

NEED THE MONEY MAN :(

HOT SHOT

my goodness!!!!! the best show have came out. ITS THE BEST SHOW ANY GIRL CAN GET. hahah SO MANY SHUAI GUYS. and playing basketball.

WHAT BETTER SHOW CAN YOU GET???

HOTSHOT HOTSHOT HOTSHOT HOTSHOT.

the first episode is like BOOM. i cant wait for the rest man!!!

JERRY YAN
WU ZUN
LUO ZHI XIANG
WU ZUN'S BRO FROM ROMANTIC PRINCESS

SO HOT. hahahah AHHHHHHHHHHHH need more shows like that man

:) IM A HAPPY GIRL

CRAZY

i dunno what is wrong with me.

why is it that i choose to shut myself from my own feelings? until i can't take it and go crazy.

i need someone who can help me out of this.

interesting night

had a very interesting dinner last night.

it was as though i saw my dad.
almost.

but this was just worse.

imagine a typical ah beng. SERIOUSLY. a typical SINGAPOREAN ah beng.
who is a dad. with a typical ah lian wife
who has 3 kids
who all learn from them.

what is the result?

NIGHTMARE.

cos i was sitting alone for dinner then i took up a table for 4 what. so i usually share with others who need a place to eat also.

so happen that they came along and asked if they can seat. i was like ok. i mean so long you guys can fit in lah. i wont mind.

THEN they started shouting and scrambling around. goodness gracious me.

i probably will never meet people like them for another 17 years of my life.

the kids were cute too. except for the youngest. the way he eats is GROSS. he puts his spoon on the table and uses his hands to eat. then picking up the sponn when he need it. so unhygienic.

both his sister was cute though. they were like explaining why he was taking his sister's food. hahah DAMN CUTE CAN

ok.. back to today then. SOMEONE didn't reply my msg. irritating. anyway that person is not a guy. hahha

wanted to do some stuff today. BUT everyone has a date. HAHAH so im all alone now.
OH WHATEVER. hahah i can watch all the dramas i want and like study a bit. havent really gotten around the studying part.

actually ABBY asked me to go to NDP show with her. she got extra ticket lah... but i didnt want to go cos of the crowd. i'll like suffocate lah. hahha now i kind of regret it cos it's so boring knowing that everyone is having fun while you're at home. OH WELLS. what to do.

OHOHOH i didnt know that there's someone who is in my lecture group who stays at boon lay. i think so. hahha cos saw him board at boon lay. but weird thing is that he got off at outram. was thinking should i like talk to him. HAHAH but im not like NICOLE TAN. so i decided not to. maybe if i bump into him on the train like ALOT of times. hahah if not so weird. only thing i want to ask is like why he also so crazy choose tp when he stays just as far. HHAHAH

feeling lonely

why do i always feel like there's no one for me. losing contact with those i used to be very close with. i just hate this. no matter how hard i try to be closer to someone, to be a better friend, it never works out.

why is it that im always the one making the effort?

only one is always and forever there for me, God.

feng le feng le

i just got really hooked onto this song. it has the nicest melody to it.

卓文萱 疯了疯了

七六五四三二一
倒数一句我爱你
我的世界因为你
而开始透明
就让我沉沉睡去
从此不想你的名
越到夜里你的笑容
就越清晰
疯了疯了睡不着
我的心噗通的跳
我的世界因你
全部颠倒
醒着睡着都在笑
爱情戒不掉
你应该明了
你应该知道
疯了疯了睡不着
你的笑有多美妙
我的世界请你
紧紧抓牢
你的爱到底多少
我也不知道
你应该明了
你应该知道
一二三四五六七
追我的人很多滴
我的世界因为你
而全面封闭
多说一句我爱你
又不会要你的命
想要生气
却不敢随便生气
疯了疯了睡不着
我的心噗通的跳
我的世界因你
全部颠倒
醒着睡着都在笑
爱情戒不掉
你应该明了
你应该知道
疯了疯了睡不着
你的笑有多美妙
我的世界请你
紧紧抓牢
你的爱到底多少
我也不知道
你应该明了
你一定都知道
疯了疯了睡不着
你的笑有多美妙
我的世界请你
紧紧抓牢
你的爱到底多少
我也不知道
你应该明了
你一定都知道

REALLY LOVE THIS SONG :)

ON REPLAY

EMO EMO

im being stupid now. sitting at the sports complex at THIS time(7pm) when i can actually be at home now.

the reason?

cos i want to go to my aunt's house instead and stay over.
COS THEY HAVE TV.

IM LIKE DAMN DEPRIVED OF TV. there is absolutely nothing for me to do at home. at least at my aunt's house i can watch tv. i totally feel like im rotting at home.

I WANT A TV.
actually tv is good in some ways lor.

i dont read the newspaper, so i can watch the news on TV and get updated on what is going on around the world.

it gives your family something to talk about, somewhere to gather.

ERM........ ok that's all i can think about.

i feel like im such a 2 faced bitch sometime. OK RANDOM.

anyway... MEL. just read your xanga. i feel so super lost contact with you lah. im very very upset now. we haven't go out together for such a long time. HAVEN'T HAD MEANINGLESS TALKS THAT GOT MEANING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.

I MISS YOU.

poly and all schools are out to ruin friendships i tell you. THEY ARE IN CAHOOTS.

PETER don't you miss my rambling?! HAHAHAH havent catch up with you for SO SO long too. even longer than mel. STUPID BUSY BIG SHOT. cannot even go to your house and bake somemore. I WANT TO BAKE COOKIES LAH. and bathe your doggies. hahha

i feel quite empty now. just wondering why is my life feeling so meaningless.

cos im not close to GOD now? cos i don't spend my time on him?

ok i will. i will try to and hopefully see a turn.




exams are coming up in like 2 and a half weeks. im pretty worried i'll screw up this time.
NO I WON'T

COS IM GOD'S SMART LITTLE PRINCESS. im sure i'll do well if i put in my best effort and when GOD IS WITH ME.



I CAN DO THIS MAN! ohh of course to EVERYONE ELSE cos we're ALL God's little children.

:) SMILE. because he is.

golden rule

i have something i really want to blog about today. it's this topic that kind of bugged me this week.

to me, i think that there's this like unsaid golden rule between girls that SHOULD not be broken. i thought it was like a widenly known thing. I GUESS NOT.

the UNSAID GOLDEN RULE?

to not go near or be real close with the guy your friend crushes on.
i guess it's this tendency for people to get jealous, straining relationships.


WHAT IF THAT GUY FALLS FOR YOU?
WHAT IF THE GUY HATES YOU FRIEND BUT IS REAL CLOSE TO YOU?

what if?

have you ever thought of your friend's feelings? if it was another girl whom your friend doesn't even know, it wouldn't hurt her that bad.

BUT THIS PERSON IS HER FRIEND.

WHO KNOWS SHE LIKE HIM.

use your heart to think the next time you hit on a guy.
sort of a message to a particular person.

absolutely doesn't concern me in the picture. but just feel angry on the behalf of someone else. even though that someone isn't.