I AM TIRED. TIMES A MILLION TIMES. PERIOD.
i hate being taken the wrong way. JUST FREAKING BECAUSE YOU ARE OLDER doesn't mean that you can ignore everything i say even though i am younger. ya right, go ahead and ask me to do everything i tell people to do. THEN FREAK YOU GUYS NO NEED TO COME ALREADY WHAT. I ONE MAN SHOW LAH. HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT NOT DOING ANYTHING AND EARNING MONEY. seriously. NO FACE. just because i follow what needs to be done, i get ostracized. just because i tell people to do the things i spot that need to be done NICELY, i get rudely ignore. TRY AND TAHAN THAT. sorry i can't. im too tired to be able to do that, broke down once i got away from those ARROGANT people.
you know when im pissed, im pissed. i dont care who you are to me. im still gonna scream. i don't know why until now, my mum still dunno that. i do thateven to my friens. and i admit i do that alot at home. well home is that place where most things happens right? all the stress after work. when i scream at her, she wont try to understand from my point of view. i dont scream because i want to but because i cant help it.
i DO NOT NEED to work 2 jobs
i DO NOT NEED to save for my own school fees
i DO NOT NEED to sacrifice having a life
i DO NOT NEED to suffer so much outside
but I DO ALL THAT because i know she's getting old.
WILL IT KILL YOU TO JUST LET ME SCREAM AT YOU. i know it's like disrespect but it's the only way i get rid of all that pressure.
i mean if i really disrespect you, I WOULD NOT FREAKING WORK MY ASS OFF. i wouldn't even bother worrying about my sis's laptop and where the money's gonna come from, i wouldn't be thinking if i can pay for my school fees and can i also pay for my sister's school fee.
I AM DAMN TIRED. CAN.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
ON A HAPPIER NOTE. I GOT AN A FOR FEM PROJECT. so afterall i dont suck. HEH. It lifts SUCH a big weight off my shoulders.
Recently started working at a restaurant near plaza sing. The row of restaurants beside plaza sing? The last one. A steamboat restaurant. I like the working environment. Not bad. Definitely different from banquet. It's very slack now cos it only started like a month ago and BARELY anyone knows about the restaurant. so hardly anyone comes in to eat. But it's great for me to learn on the job.
OH BTW IT'S CALLED XIANG XUE HAI.
School's less busy now that all project related shit is all over. But i have to work like MAD. Gotta earn enough for my school fees, if can my sis's school fees, my sis's laptop? OH WELLS:(
I realised i cleanly forgot about Peter's b'day. I FELT SO BAD. So i called him like the moment i realised it. So need to catch up with him. Since i started relying on the other person whom i forgot about, we kind of drifted apart. Especially like him and dawn. HAHAH. Right after that hit my mind, i realised his bday is coming soon. 15 feb. OHWELLS what matters now?
I met Giant on the bus after work onnnnn sunday i think. And he kept bugging me about what happened btw us. It doesnt hurt so much now talking about it. But somehow this little feeling of regret bugs me. Maybe i should have never said yes to start everything and maybe i should not have suggested to end it, believing that you would take it as a wake up call to try to fix things. Life getting better without all these complicated crap in it.
OHOHOH you know this CNY i wont be going to bai nian:( I CAN'T DRESS NICE NICE. MY MAXI DRESS:( but nvm. IM GONNA EARN ALOT OF MONEY THAT DAY. Plus the ang pao money i believe my relatives will give to my mum. AWESOMENESS $$$$$ :)
Recently started working at a restaurant near plaza sing. The row of restaurants beside plaza sing? The last one. A steamboat restaurant. I like the working environment. Not bad. Definitely different from banquet. It's very slack now cos it only started like a month ago and BARELY anyone knows about the restaurant. so hardly anyone comes in to eat. But it's great for me to learn on the job.
OH BTW IT'S CALLED XIANG XUE HAI.
School's less busy now that all project related shit is all over. But i have to work like MAD. Gotta earn enough for my school fees, if can my sis's school fees, my sis's laptop? OH WELLS:(
I realised i cleanly forgot about Peter's b'day. I FELT SO BAD. So i called him like the moment i realised it. So need to catch up with him. Since i started relying on the other person whom i forgot about, we kind of drifted apart. Especially like him and dawn. HAHAH. Right after that hit my mind, i realised his bday is coming soon. 15 feb. OHWELLS what matters now?
I met Giant on the bus after work onnnnn sunday i think. And he kept bugging me about what happened btw us. It doesnt hurt so much now talking about it. But somehow this little feeling of regret bugs me. Maybe i should have never said yes to start everything and maybe i should not have suggested to end it, believing that you would take it as a wake up call to try to fix things. Life getting better without all these complicated crap in it.
OHOHOH you know this CNY i wont be going to bai nian:( I CAN'T DRESS NICE NICE. MY MAXI DRESS:( but nvm. IM GONNA EARN ALOT OF MONEY THAT DAY. Plus the ang pao money i believe my relatives will give to my mum. AWESOMENESS $$$$$ :)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
thisisnotworkingnotworkingnotworkingnotworking.
Just barely 2 months odd and the memories that accumulated is difficult to erase. Nights alone are the worst for me to handle. I no longer have that special someone to sms anytime i want about anything. I no longer can have you beside me. I no longer smell that smell when i meet you. I now travel alone, using my mp3 more often.
I wonder if i made the right decision. Should i have talked to you face to face? But isn't it a bit too late to think about it anymore?
It funny how when i miss you i think back to all the good things but that moment i wanted to break up, i couldn't think of 1 good thing.
I CAN'T TAKE IT. I wanted it so that i would stop thinking about why you thisthatthisthat. Yet, i still think about you. SUCKS.
I WANNA CLUB.WORK.PLAY
Just barely 2 months odd and the memories that accumulated is difficult to erase. Nights alone are the worst for me to handle. I no longer have that special someone to sms anytime i want about anything. I no longer can have you beside me. I no longer smell that smell when i meet you. I now travel alone, using my mp3 more often.
I wonder if i made the right decision. Should i have talked to you face to face? But isn't it a bit too late to think about it anymore?
It funny how when i miss you i think back to all the good things but that moment i wanted to break up, i couldn't think of 1 good thing.
I CAN'T TAKE IT. I wanted it so that i would stop thinking about why you thisthatthisthat. Yet, i still think about you. SUCKS.
I WANNA CLUB.WORK.PLAY
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I figured i shall start blogging again. As an outlet for my mind. So it probably figures that many things has been happening leading me back here once again.
SCHOOL has been stressful enough. Not having enough peacful sleep,taking a whole hour to wake up for school, burning midnight oil for the millionth time and disagreements. It has totally got my life revolving it. I can't work, i can't go out with friends, i can't sleep. WOW. Though school has occupied my mind almost all the time, when i take a break and have my mind away from school. It goes to 1 person.
This, i promise, is the last time i'll ever type/talk about it.
And i'll never remember you again. NEVER.
Maybe we did get into it too fast, but initially you were different. But as time went by, you started changing? I didn't feel secure at all. And that means alot to me. which was why i thought about ending it. I didn't like how insecure i was feeling. I felt it almost everyday. You know how tiring that is? And when i was the one putting in all the effort. Things that you said, slowly felt like empty promises, words that you never meant from the start. Suddenly, i felt like this 2 months plus was a prank you played on me. Bringing it up to you, took great courage from me. I was afraid of the answer that lied behind. I didn't know what that was. But i still said what i wanted to say, hoping that things could have a better turn.
But you didn't even bother asking why do i want a break up or what happened. you just agreeed. which made me feel totally dissapointed. I felt like i wasted my time and feelings with you. We should stay as friends? Bullshit. When we were together, there was no effort on your part. What makes you think that after we break up you will take effort to stay as friends. I would never put in anymore effort. It was just not worth it. That whole period was a lie. I want and will erase that from my mind.
on a happy note, at least i was smart to dump him first before i take more of his crap.
IM SINGLE:) and i will meet a better guy. It's your loss, not mine.
I WANNA DO ALOT OF THINGS.
work
cycle
run
club
eat good food
WATCH MOVIES
and i cant remember the rest
SCHOOL has been stressful enough. Not having enough peacful sleep,taking a whole hour to wake up for school, burning midnight oil for the millionth time and disagreements. It has totally got my life revolving it. I can't work, i can't go out with friends, i can't sleep. WOW. Though school has occupied my mind almost all the time, when i take a break and have my mind away from school. It goes to 1 person.
This, i promise, is the last time i'll ever type/talk about it.
And i'll never remember you again. NEVER.
Maybe we did get into it too fast, but initially you were different. But as time went by, you started changing? I didn't feel secure at all. And that means alot to me. which was why i thought about ending it. I didn't like how insecure i was feeling. I felt it almost everyday. You know how tiring that is? And when i was the one putting in all the effort. Things that you said, slowly felt like empty promises, words that you never meant from the start. Suddenly, i felt like this 2 months plus was a prank you played on me. Bringing it up to you, took great courage from me. I was afraid of the answer that lied behind. I didn't know what that was. But i still said what i wanted to say, hoping that things could have a better turn.
But you didn't even bother asking why do i want a break up or what happened. you just agreeed. which made me feel totally dissapointed. I felt like i wasted my time and feelings with you. We should stay as friends? Bullshit. When we were together, there was no effort on your part. What makes you think that after we break up you will take effort to stay as friends. I would never put in anymore effort. It was just not worth it. That whole period was a lie. I want and will erase that from my mind.
on a happy note, at least i was smart to dump him first before i take more of his crap.
IM SINGLE:) and i will meet a better guy. It's your loss, not mine.
I WANNA DO ALOT OF THINGS.
work
cycle
run
club
eat good food
WATCH MOVIES
and i cant remember the rest
Monday, August 10, 2009
oversleep
OMG i cant believe how screwed I am now. Im so tired, i overslept thrice on different modes of transport in 2 days.
Yesterday, i was on my way to meet nicole at orchard and i was having a terrible uhhhhhhhhh i dunno what is it called. but it felt like those korean high blood pressure thing when they hold their neck. Suppose to meet at 4.10, and i was already running late. I decided to nap a while.
AND GUESS WHAT. OVERSLEPT#1. The next moment i woke up, it was due to nicole calling me and i heard "braddell"
OH SHIT. Nicole was so gonna kill me.
TODAY, I woke up at 5 to reach my workplace at like 6.45 or so for my shift at 7am.
IWAS SOOOOOLUCKYITELLYOU. Nobody will have the same luck as me. It started raining so heavily, i decided to take bus. BUT GUESS WHAT MY LUCKY STAR DID. I forgot it was a public holiday and some buses get delayed. WELL LUCKY LUCKY. the bus i needed to take was delayed. AND I WAS STRANDED AND COLD. w/o taking breakfast:(
Thenthenthen, I decided to sleep on the bus and I OVERSLEPT #2. I just dropped off at wherever I was at and before i realised. i was once again stranded. I should have not gotten off and take further down. At least there was buses to orchard. DAMN. hence I was late for half an hour ALTHOUGH i woke up at 5am
After i knocked off work, i took 174 to jp to have my early and filling dinner. then took a bus back. i took a SLIGHT nap again and i OVERSLEPT#3, having to take another bus back and meeting my mum on the bus.
OH MY LOVELY LOVELY JOURNEY IN SINGAPORE. IM A TOURIST:)
you're crazy grace. HAHAHAHHA
Yesterday, i was on my way to meet nicole at orchard and i was having a terrible uhhhhhhhhh i dunno what is it called. but it felt like those korean high blood pressure thing when they hold their neck. Suppose to meet at 4.10, and i was already running late. I decided to nap a while.
AND GUESS WHAT. OVERSLEPT#1. The next moment i woke up, it was due to nicole calling me and i heard "braddell"
OH SHIT. Nicole was so gonna kill me.
TODAY, I woke up at 5 to reach my workplace at like 6.45 or so for my shift at 7am.
IWAS SOOOOOLUCKYITELLYOU. Nobody will have the same luck as me. It started raining so heavily, i decided to take bus. BUT GUESS WHAT MY LUCKY STAR DID. I forgot it was a public holiday and some buses get delayed. WELL LUCKY LUCKY. the bus i needed to take was delayed. AND I WAS STRANDED AND COLD. w/o taking breakfast:(
Thenthenthen, I decided to sleep on the bus and I OVERSLEPT #2. I just dropped off at wherever I was at and before i realised. i was once again stranded. I should have not gotten off and take further down. At least there was buses to orchard. DAMN. hence I was late for half an hour ALTHOUGH i woke up at 5am
After i knocked off work, i took 174 to jp to have my early and filling dinner. then took a bus back. i took a SLIGHT nap again and i OVERSLEPT#3, having to take another bus back and meeting my mum on the bus.
OH MY LOVELY LOVELY JOURNEY IN SINGAPORE. IM A TOURIST:)
you're crazy grace. HAHAHAHHA
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I was feeling relatively better today. I thought, wow things seems to be changing for the better, I guess I will be able to go for the dinner later. I was thinking if i should go or not, but since it's probably gonna be the only time I see my friend for the last time before she flies off and since it's for her birthday, might as well make some effort, probably just try to control so they wont be so scared.
So as usual we were late and when I met them, guess what they started saying?
OH I dont want to fall sick.
Ok fine first time I let it pass as a joke. Then came the time when we were walking towards the restaurant. While walking there, I had no choice but to cough as I has phlegm in my throat thatonly started irritating me when I left the house. But with that cough, once again the same thing happened and they walked a distance from me. I pretended I didnt notice. Next when we were looking through the menu before seating into the restaurant, I suggested ordering the set menu to share and they were like 'are you kidding me?' Obviously I know my limits and by suggesting that, I meant that I would probably take food first and ensure I dont use my own culteries to take food. But hearing that kind of reaction was really quite a stab. My limit was reached when we were being seated and everyone was trying not to seat near me.
I got irritated and i just stood up saying that I can go back home. then they started saying they didn't mean it and stuff so I was like 'ok chill chill. celebration. chill.' But right after that they were whispering how they really dont wish to fall sick and stuff. I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up. I said, 'Im going home.' They didn't want me to go off. But I inisisted on leaving. I walked out quickly and started tearing.
Weren't secondary school friends suppose to be the everlasting friendships? Why is it that I cant see that. It's only our 2nd year after we have graduated and this is what we have become. Catching up one like every 6 months. And when I am sick, the most you guys could care about is yourselves. So why did I bother thinking so much for you guys? Ensuring I had enough tissues so I dont have to cough/sneeze directly at you guys and taking my share of food first etc etc.
I was just really upset. I mean it's not like I chose to be sick, or that I like to go around infecting people with my germs. I already feel insecure about what others think about me when i sneeze and cough on my way there and i still have to face it directly with you guys. Can't you guys think for me? It's me facing 3 you know. Put yourselves in my shoes. Yes maybe you didn't mean it but try going through what I went through, everything that doesn't mean anything, means something to me.
These few days I have just been so alone and I though my friends would care for me, sadly, it was the total opposite. Afterall I guess what they say is true, family is more trustworthy than friends. Even though I told my sister I would be out for dinner, she still smsed me to ask if I wanted her to buy back any food.
After crying my eyes out in the toilet, I came out and looked into the mirrior. OMGGGGGG my eyes were so red and swollen. I hate it when I cry. Super cannot hide. Then I talked to Peter, forever, my most trustworthy crying bucket. Luckily he was free to just hear me out. Talked to him about the WHOLE thing while walking out of Square 2 head facing ground. Then went off to find for mel since she was around town cos I refused to go back with my 2 swollen eyes and risk having the same treatment.
It was a real emotional draining day for me.
OH and I HATE singtel for cancelling my callerid when I SPECIFICALLY said that I wanted it when I changed plan. Making me unable to reject calls today:( having to pick up every single damn call as I was crying.
So as usual we were late and when I met them, guess what they started saying?
OH I dont want to fall sick.
Ok fine first time I let it pass as a joke. Then came the time when we were walking towards the restaurant. While walking there, I had no choice but to cough as I has phlegm in my throat thatonly started irritating me when I left the house. But with that cough, once again the same thing happened and they walked a distance from me. I pretended I didnt notice. Next when we were looking through the menu before seating into the restaurant, I suggested ordering the set menu to share and they were like 'are you kidding me?' Obviously I know my limits and by suggesting that, I meant that I would probably take food first and ensure I dont use my own culteries to take food. But hearing that kind of reaction was really quite a stab. My limit was reached when we were being seated and everyone was trying not to seat near me.
I got irritated and i just stood up saying that I can go back home. then they started saying they didn't mean it and stuff so I was like 'ok chill chill. celebration. chill.' But right after that they were whispering how they really dont wish to fall sick and stuff. I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up. I said, 'Im going home.' They didn't want me to go off. But I inisisted on leaving. I walked out quickly and started tearing.
Weren't secondary school friends suppose to be the everlasting friendships? Why is it that I cant see that. It's only our 2nd year after we have graduated and this is what we have become. Catching up one like every 6 months. And when I am sick, the most you guys could care about is yourselves. So why did I bother thinking so much for you guys? Ensuring I had enough tissues so I dont have to cough/sneeze directly at you guys and taking my share of food first etc etc.
I was just really upset. I mean it's not like I chose to be sick, or that I like to go around infecting people with my germs. I already feel insecure about what others think about me when i sneeze and cough on my way there and i still have to face it directly with you guys. Can't you guys think for me? It's me facing 3 you know. Put yourselves in my shoes. Yes maybe you didn't mean it but try going through what I went through, everything that doesn't mean anything, means something to me.
These few days I have just been so alone and I though my friends would care for me, sadly, it was the total opposite. Afterall I guess what they say is true, family is more trustworthy than friends. Even though I told my sister I would be out for dinner, she still smsed me to ask if I wanted her to buy back any food.
After crying my eyes out in the toilet, I came out and looked into the mirrior. OMGGGGGG my eyes were so red and swollen. I hate it when I cry. Super cannot hide. Then I talked to Peter, forever, my most trustworthy crying bucket. Luckily he was free to just hear me out. Talked to him about the WHOLE thing while walking out of Square 2 head facing ground. Then went off to find for mel since she was around town cos I refused to go back with my 2 swollen eyes and risk having the same treatment.
It was a real emotional draining day for me.
OH and I HATE singtel for cancelling my callerid when I SPECIFICALLY said that I wanted it when I changed plan. Making me unable to reject calls today:( having to pick up every single damn call as I was crying.
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