NO WORK

following that damn asshole incident with my agent person, i officially have no more work until sat and sun. EVERYBODY ELSE IS WORKING THIS WHOLE WEEK LAH. im angry. i honestly am. why is she so petty. i wouldn't even know that im working on sat and sun if i didn't sms her to ask her about it.



OH ASSHOLE. im gonna be so broke. i need another job man.

f1 was fun and tiring. my timing was like 10 am to 2 am for all three days. barely slept inbetween but it ended off quite well and i didnt do anything stupid hahah. totally didn't know anything about f1 so no use being able to watch the race while i work. worked with a great bunch of people.

SCREW UP EMOTIONS

im so freaking screwed from the inside out.

emotionally unstable, unable to get a grip of my heart and mind and anger management are my BIGGEST flaws.

and the biggest BIGGEST is insecurity.

i doubt my own capabilities. i cannot control my mind. i seriously do not know what the hell happened to me. i can barely have a clear mind. be clear of what i need to do next and stuff. it's affecting me damn badly. at work, im just so slow. and everyone is just helping me, which makes it more obvious to me that im SLOW.

today's dinner was just not my best effort. i knew it. i could have done the dinner better. it's like i wonder was it my fault? but it's really hard to handle the new system of service with me being vip server. i can't leave the damn table. then when i have a troublesome 2nd table to take care of, i can't. and i get a guest angry cos i didn't get for her what she wanted.

everything was just hidden subconsiciously in my brain. it was screwed before it even started. and everything came pouring out when my agent called me. and just to note: my form of releasing stress is to cry or get angry. so i was angry with her cos she was practically forcing me to go work at novotell tmr just after i finally knocked of work.

i mean you tell me last min and expect me to work. i know i've always just like 'forget it lah. just go and work', always say i will set my foot down one day and not have such a soft heart but it never happened, until today. but i felt very bad after that. cos my tone was not good at all.



im just so sick and tired of myself.

i feel like im always an empty shell of skin. that's it. nothing worth to listen to. nothing worth to remember about, nothing worth to care about.

now i know how is it like to need HIM to be the light in my life.

so bring me back.

romantic marriage

I SO WANNA GET MARRIED!!!

hahah i just witness the most romantic wedding dinner totally top the one before(when the guy actually recorded all the messages btw them throughout their relationship) maybe cos i went through the whole solemnisation. it was like just pure blessing and love. it was so sweet. the guy prepared a song in secret and even created a distraction and got me to block incase the wife turned around.



this was the song that he sang. it was SO ROMANTIC CAN.

OHHH hahah and it doesn't hurt that there were so many cute guys. hahah rather than the usually mature business adults. there was one guy that was SO CUTE. i think the bride's brother. their family has good genes lah. all so good looking.

im updating so early cos i finished worked at 4.30 just now and by the time i finish washing up and stuff it's close to 7 already. and to keep me from sleeping and never waking up, i decided to use the computer. HAHAHA.

i love it when they play all the love songs in the ballroom when ther's no guest around. it's super nice. LOVE IT.

MOVIE NEED

DAMN it's been a long time since i've checked the movies. I SO WANNA WATCH 2 MOVIES.

make it happen & my sassy girl.

IM IN A MOVIE NEED. hhahahah

anyway didn't get to update about my funny day ytd. it's like as though ytd was like despo guy day. hahah for me at least.

i had a guest. EYEING me the whole time. i knew it but what can i do right. i was working. can't possibly shout STOP LOOKING AT ME. i wanted to. then he walked by me and touched my butt ok. ASSHOLE. but after that he left so i figured it's a one off thing and i probably will never see him again so might as well not kick up a fuss.

then. i had a guy, who was at the back doing the washing of plates and stuff. yes. hitting on me during work. i mean im like super used to this. but it felt weird cos the whole back area was small and it's not banquet, where there's hell lots of people. then he offered to send me home. HELL NO. it's just weird having people whom you're not close to, to send you home. you're like stuck with them for the whole trip and have to talk all the way, entertaining them.

then when i was on the way home, placing my uniform back, happens that a security guard was taking the life back down also and like randomly say that he'll send me back since he stay at jurong area also but he's working till 11. PHEW. then talked to me like we're CHUM CHUM. so i just played along. wanted to get away but HARD. then exchanged numbers and i went off. he's probably like 24/26? i think. HAHAHAH then after that when i was gonna bathe at like 12 plus, he called me and started talking a lot. WHICH I DONT LIKE. he's going to china like on sunday so he was saying he'll buy me stuff and whatever. plus clothes. OK. and not to mention he said he's ex-gf is like born in the same year as me also.
OK SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY.
then he like indirectly asked me out to the movies but i just gave crap reasons.

hahahah BUT NOW I WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. but with FRIENDS. real friends.

i hate the work environment sometimes. it's like what the hell happened to GOOD GUYS?

what an interesting day right?
NOOOOOO



MOVIE DATE ANYONE?