Ever since that day, my mood was still pretty bad at work. not just particularly to that one guy but more generalised, to ANYONE that pisses me off and do no-brainer stuff.

I just can't help but keep thinking about how everyone leads a different lives, how uniquely all our lives have been planned out. All of the sudden, I kind of realise that I don't really know how to communicate with people. To be able to just talk about SOMETHING with a random friend. That feeling is irritating.

I feel so taken over at work also, like as though I'm useless. When I actually think back carefully about what I did at work, it's actually nothing much at all. I mean this is not the only time I thought so but it's just that now a days, with this girl that I'm suppose to teach her to serve the VIP table, it was as though i saw how lax my job is from another person's point of view.

I'M JUST USELESS.

USELESS LAZY ASSHOLE.

This whole post is just not making any sense.

Today I set a new record.
that is according to my friend.

7th time he has seen me crying at work.
definitely not the most accurate.

Today was the WORST WORST case scenario.

Imagine, you're doing over-time with 2 angry people. FULL OF ANGER in their voice. Whatever that comes out of their mouth.

All that you are doing is focusing on your job. Doing things properly.

You decided to ask if the tablecloth should be changed to a bigger one, NOT FOR FUN, but because you know that the guy doing the table is a TAD bit fussy sometimes.

Someone else then comes along to answer your question, totally not taking your question seriously, thinking that you're asking a stupid question since the answer is so obvious.

BUT GUESS WHAT. In the end, the person doing the table STILL asked someone to get a big tablecloth for him.

THEN when that same person doing the table is done with the tablecloth, he shouts angrily around, asking for plates to set, but not going to find for it. Since no one actuallly moves off to bring it to him, you suddenly saw some plates at the bottom of the trolley and say "got got got", which was replied with a nasty smart alec answer of "God what God, God in heaven".

You then proceed to find for more plates since those weren't enough. you see your other friend getting a whole trolley of plates, but since the guy was so impatient for the plates, you decided to first bring out the number of plates needed by the guy so that he will not be that angry.

While bringing the plates in, the guy who thought that asking about the tablecloth was dumb, called you, to which you replied "shut up", and brought the plates to the table that needed it. He continued calling for you which you ignore.

The moment you place the plate on the table, the guy doing the table started shouting at you again as there were still a couple of tables which were still short of plates, asking why didn't you wait to bring out the rest.

You have reached your max already, finally bursting, saying " You wanted the plates right? I brought it for you! [Someone]'s still taking the rest!" banging the plates on the table. The guy then told you to set that table.

NEXT AFTER, the guy calling for you tried again, you just continued with your job.
ALL OF THE SUDDEN, he just SHOUTS your name as though you are in the army, insisting you listen to him when all he has done was call my name. Then going on to scolding me about no showing respect by answering him, how you think by not answering him is such a funny thing, like you are playing around.

Then finally shouting to ask " YOU WANT TO GO HOME IS IT?"

It has past your max of what you can hold inside of you, you give up trying to act strong, start tearing, and shouted back " I NEVER EVER THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. I WAS DOING EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY. YOU WANT ME TO GO HOME, FINE, I'LL GO HOME NOW."

Then you just cried.

Obviously the person who cried was me.
It was TOTALLY unreasonable. ALL that I ever did was try to make everyone less angry, and then, I kena. Everything that i do at work, i take it seriously, it is YOU who always jokes around, expecting me to respond the same way as you. Since you like to think that i joke around, why not you just think that "shut up" was a joke? ALL BECAUSE OF THAT DAMN 2 WORD YOU SCOLD ME AND ACCUSE ME OF EVERYTHING I'M NOT?

Why not you reflect upon youself first. You are always so quick in letting your temper go.

Oh just a note. You know what that guy was calling me for, to eat the food he has kept for me in the store.

I mean THANKS, but you know something, i never asked for you to save food for me, and IF i am getting THIS for some measly food, PLEASE, i rather not have it at all.

YES SO YOU HAVE YOUR EGO AND FACE, how about me?



Don't even feel like going back to work already. Maybe this will mark the end of the longest job i've stayed put in.

OHHH crap. I've got a test later on which I totally did NOT study for cos i was working on the weekends.

OK that's just an excuse. I mean i'm pretty sure I could have studied if i really wanted to do well.
Nevermind. I'll just put in more effort to the next one and try to handle work, studies and church at the same time.

I just realised how long I've skipped church yesterday. Kaiann was asking for me at church yesterday.

SINCE WHEN DID THAT EVER HAPPEN.

It suddenly hit me hard that I have not been at church for a really long time.

I'LL BRING HIM COOKIES NEXT SUNDAY!!! PROMISE.

I just received the statement for my card and the record of my slashing. IT'S HORRENDOUS. TERRIBLE. I cannot do this anymore. I spent like 1800++ in like 2 and a half months. I honestly can't believe that i've become to this state.

I WILL SAVE MONEY. I have to. And get a new phone before the end of this semester. I hope it can really happen.

OHH and I must be able to help work and studies. I'm sure I can since so many people can do that. Just whether I put my heart into it.



BE ORGANISED. If not you'll screw up this semester AGAIN.
Which you cannot afford to.



UNDERSTAND?



yes.

I haven't updated in a super duper long time. Been pretty lazy and busy. HAHAH I know, I know. It's contridicting.

Well time passed pretty fast and my hols were just over in a blink of an eye. And now, into the 3rd week of school.

Soon enough, it'll be christmas then 2009.

Time passes SO quickly. I never imagined myself to be here now and who I am currently.


I've changed. And it's sad to say that it's not a change for the better, but for the worse.
Skipping church, not making that constant effort to work on friendship, swearing (only at work, thank goodness) and spending money like nobody's business.

I hate this me.

I feel like I've conformed to the world. I thought I could survive being MYSELF without HIM. But it turns out that I can't, and that I am weak.





I really really want to go back to the time I was close to my friends, close to HIM, with no worries at all. Back to when we finished Os.


There's this mask on my face.

Help me take it off.

emotional

work is terrible now. everyone is just emotional unstable. at least it's not just me now. my temper has such a short fuse now. im amazed at how the guuys at work can take it and not give me a tight slap in the face. HAHAH honestly. i think i deserve that.

can't wait for school to start! a bit stupid lah but school's quite fun lah. and you are actually busy doing work. but then i won't be able to work, then no extra money, then cannot shop :(

i just rebonded my hair ytd. it's soft rebonding so it's not ruler straight. I LOVE IT.

but my mum dont. i dont get why she's like this. she can never understand how it feels to have my hair. she takes it so lightly but she never ever went through it before. what does she know.

i don't know why my family is like this. no communication. no nothing.



ANYWAYS. i still love my hair. but i blew like 180. but the hair dresser is damn professional. I LOVE HIM. hahah his salon is good lor.

Ministry of Hair Spa. LOVE DON. hahah damn good.

NO WORK

following that damn asshole incident with my agent person, i officially have no more work until sat and sun. EVERYBODY ELSE IS WORKING THIS WHOLE WEEK LAH. im angry. i honestly am. why is she so petty. i wouldn't even know that im working on sat and sun if i didn't sms her to ask her about it.



OH ASSHOLE. im gonna be so broke. i need another job man.

f1 was fun and tiring. my timing was like 10 am to 2 am for all three days. barely slept inbetween but it ended off quite well and i didnt do anything stupid hahah. totally didn't know anything about f1 so no use being able to watch the race while i work. worked with a great bunch of people.

SCREW UP EMOTIONS

im so freaking screwed from the inside out.

emotionally unstable, unable to get a grip of my heart and mind and anger management are my BIGGEST flaws.

and the biggest BIGGEST is insecurity.

i doubt my own capabilities. i cannot control my mind. i seriously do not know what the hell happened to me. i can barely have a clear mind. be clear of what i need to do next and stuff. it's affecting me damn badly. at work, im just so slow. and everyone is just helping me, which makes it more obvious to me that im SLOW.

today's dinner was just not my best effort. i knew it. i could have done the dinner better. it's like i wonder was it my fault? but it's really hard to handle the new system of service with me being vip server. i can't leave the damn table. then when i have a troublesome 2nd table to take care of, i can't. and i get a guest angry cos i didn't get for her what she wanted.

everything was just hidden subconsiciously in my brain. it was screwed before it even started. and everything came pouring out when my agent called me. and just to note: my form of releasing stress is to cry or get angry. so i was angry with her cos she was practically forcing me to go work at novotell tmr just after i finally knocked of work.

i mean you tell me last min and expect me to work. i know i've always just like 'forget it lah. just go and work', always say i will set my foot down one day and not have such a soft heart but it never happened, until today. but i felt very bad after that. cos my tone was not good at all.



im just so sick and tired of myself.

i feel like im always an empty shell of skin. that's it. nothing worth to listen to. nothing worth to remember about, nothing worth to care about.

now i know how is it like to need HIM to be the light in my life.

so bring me back.

romantic marriage

I SO WANNA GET MARRIED!!!

hahah i just witness the most romantic wedding dinner totally top the one before(when the guy actually recorded all the messages btw them throughout their relationship) maybe cos i went through the whole solemnisation. it was like just pure blessing and love. it was so sweet. the guy prepared a song in secret and even created a distraction and got me to block incase the wife turned around.



this was the song that he sang. it was SO ROMANTIC CAN.

OHHH hahah and it doesn't hurt that there were so many cute guys. hahah rather than the usually mature business adults. there was one guy that was SO CUTE. i think the bride's brother. their family has good genes lah. all so good looking.

im updating so early cos i finished worked at 4.30 just now and by the time i finish washing up and stuff it's close to 7 already. and to keep me from sleeping and never waking up, i decided to use the computer. HAHAHA.

i love it when they play all the love songs in the ballroom when ther's no guest around. it's super nice. LOVE IT.

MOVIE NEED

DAMN it's been a long time since i've checked the movies. I SO WANNA WATCH 2 MOVIES.

make it happen & my sassy girl.

IM IN A MOVIE NEED. hhahahah

anyway didn't get to update about my funny day ytd. it's like as though ytd was like despo guy day. hahah for me at least.

i had a guest. EYEING me the whole time. i knew it but what can i do right. i was working. can't possibly shout STOP LOOKING AT ME. i wanted to. then he walked by me and touched my butt ok. ASSHOLE. but after that he left so i figured it's a one off thing and i probably will never see him again so might as well not kick up a fuss.

then. i had a guy, who was at the back doing the washing of plates and stuff. yes. hitting on me during work. i mean im like super used to this. but it felt weird cos the whole back area was small and it's not banquet, where there's hell lots of people. then he offered to send me home. HELL NO. it's just weird having people whom you're not close to, to send you home. you're like stuck with them for the whole trip and have to talk all the way, entertaining them.

then when i was on the way home, placing my uniform back, happens that a security guard was taking the life back down also and like randomly say that he'll send me back since he stay at jurong area also but he's working till 11. PHEW. then talked to me like we're CHUM CHUM. so i just played along. wanted to get away but HARD. then exchanged numbers and i went off. he's probably like 24/26? i think. HAHAHAH then after that when i was gonna bathe at like 12 plus, he called me and started talking a lot. WHICH I DONT LIKE. he's going to china like on sunday so he was saying he'll buy me stuff and whatever. plus clothes. OK. and not to mention he said he's ex-gf is like born in the same year as me also.
OK SO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY.
then he like indirectly asked me out to the movies but i just gave crap reasons.

hahahah BUT NOW I WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. but with FRIENDS. real friends.

i hate the work environment sometimes. it's like what the hell happened to GOOD GUYS?

what an interesting day right?
NOOOOOO



MOVIE DATE ANYONE?

hey there

haven't been posting for a LONGGGG time. so i'll just make it up with a LONGGGG post.

have been thinking a lot the past few days.
BIG GOALS i must say that i've set for myself.

EARN LOTSA LOTSA LOTSA MONEY DURING THIS HOLS
get a 2nd part time job(pending)
save enough money to pay for a trip for my sis, mom and me to KL(even if it's just KL)
BUY AN ELECTRIC OVEN(so that i can bake lovely stuff for the children in church)

that's about all the new stuff with me. hahah

IT'S THE START OF HOLS
is it boring or is it just me.

OK I KNOW THE ANSWER. it's just me.

i am probably the ONLY one who is so boring. ytd was actually the last day of my exam at 1130. usually people go out right after that. but guess what? this boring person's life you're reading about went back home and used the computer from the time she reach home till 12.

i just want my work to start.

at least im getting money even if my life was a boring routine.

i just wonder. what have we(friends) turn out to be? alot of us don't even keep in contact. and when i actually take the first step out, our convo is just so shallow. i wished i was back to secondary school. i was alot closer to some friends. i had what i worked so hard for. my running. but i gave it up for Os and never made the effort to take it back again. which i kind of regret. when i was running, i think i was a better person. i wasn't so lazy, i worked hard to earn my progress, i was closer to GOD.

MY LIFE HAS CHANGED SO MUCH. i dunno if it's good of bad. but i know the world has separated me and GOD quite a bit. which is not good at all.

don't wanna grow up anymore. i see my uncle having problems cos he's retiring this year but wanna find another job so that there's still cash coming in. and my aunt(who's married to him) is just working part time also. i don't wanna end up like them. CAN'T I JUST MARRY A RICH GUY? i mean i worry about money from young. please dont let me worry about money when im old.

i cannot even imagine myself at like 25.it'll be damn sad if im not married by then. i'll be still working my ass off with no one to take care of me. HOW SAD.

OK COME ON MAN. IT'S THE HOLS.

CHEER UP

tired bug

i am SO reminded of why i ABSOLUTELY HATE working. i end up having tired bugs in me. even though i slept like close to 12 hours everday now. since there's no school. and i dont even do anything energy draining. I HATE THIS FEELING. im so tired everywhere. every single inch of my body.

DAMN IT

cont

OHH i forgot. what kinda made my day ytd was this cute guy! hahahha at work. but he wasn't like a part timer. he was with the florist people so didn't get the chance to like talk to him :( hahah but SO CUTE. hahah

work work

finally went to work like after dunno how long. too many things have changed. mainly people. banquet now is becoming more and more important. and i was pushed to do the chariman's table. which i didnt think i was up to. the chairman is very scary!!!!!!!! actually all serious business man and important people are. cos they socialise ALOT then when we, lowly servents, have to do all the menial things like clearing plates, which end up having to interrupt their very important conversations.

hate to do for these kind of events and kena the table that is all businessmen. it's nerve-rattling cos they can be happy at one moment then just because you wrong timing then very irritated with you. STRESSSSSS.

but prof Tommy Koh is one NICE man. i've only heard his name before and what a powerful person he was from my history teacher and it's no suprise. he is a man of character. no wonder he can go so far. probably the most polite person and full of just goodness in him. very cute. hahha cos he was the only person on the table to actually applause after the band played finish their piece. and it was sincere. could tell. and he talked to me. hahah im so honored. plus i think the sweetest part was when i saw him and his wife walking down the stairs going home. they were holding hands ok. SUCH A NICE GUY.

on the whole, i think yesterday was a pretty good day considering that the worst case senerio did not occur.

i pretty much improve a great lot on my 'public speaking' i guess. haha IM HAPPY :):):)

love is in the air, just not the kinda air around me

i just feel more lonely than ever with absolutely no direction and no one out there for me. im tired of this life.

post bbq with collegues

bbq wasnt like how i expected to be. i was like the guai-er ones. cos the rest smokes and drinks. YEA there were drinks. luckily i could escape it with excuse like UNDERAGE. they damn scary can. bring brandy, whiskey and vodka. if im not underage confirm force me to drink one lor.

so many things changed since the last time i've worked. now im really scared for sat. heard that for every little mistake they'll pick on you and DEMOTE you. WTH lah.

DEMOTE DEMOTE LAH. scared what scared. HUH! im sure i'll find another work place that values me more. HAHAHA

dunno lah. then today after meeting my collegue that i havent seen for like a really long time, i found out that she got together with this other collegue and broke up like after 4 months. and he was there at the bbq too. i didn't know what to say to comfort her lah.. just hear her speak lor. then she got drunk. and it was like damn out of control.

it was damn sad to see her in that state. it was so sad.
she was drunk when talking crap to my other friend then suddenly from the corner of her eye she was staring at the guy playing with this other girl and stopped talking immediately. after i found out the reason why she stopped talking, i quickly prompted to continue with her conversation. cos she doesn't want other people to know. and just quickly advised her to sit with her back facing the guy.

everyone seems to be moving along so quickly in life. what about me?
im still stuck in the same spot.

always so easily forgotten by people. i really wonder why sometimes.

was just reflected upon the journey home.
is my attitude really that bad? how am i as a person? why is it that i always get the feeling like people don't want to talk to me?

OK FULLSTOP.

YOU'RE THINKING TOO MUCH.

happy!

im so happy presentation is over! all my work was worth it man. hahha now comes the hardest part. trying to get myself to sit down and study. gonna study later in school. HOPEFULLY it's productive if not im like pretty dead for exams.

IM SO STUPID i even agreed to work on sat. that's like almost 2 days worth of studying gone cos i'll be so tired. should have just stood firm in my point of view where i don't want to work. i think they love to ask me to work cos they know i'll eventually say yes no matter what.

DARN. such a dumb stupid soft hearted person. get used.

GONNA HAVE A BBQ TONIGHT. with collegues!
OHHHH im like eating a hell lot less cos im so restricted by money. you totally cannot believe it. i skipp breakfast and dinner. sort of lah. cos my meals are at damn weird times. so i don't even know what to call them. I SAVED 2 DOLLAR YTD SOMEMORE. hahah first time even when im already eating so little.

NEED THE MONEY MAN :(

HOT SHOT

my goodness!!!!! the best show have came out. ITS THE BEST SHOW ANY GIRL CAN GET. hahah SO MANY SHUAI GUYS. and playing basketball.

WHAT BETTER SHOW CAN YOU GET???

HOTSHOT HOTSHOT HOTSHOT HOTSHOT.

the first episode is like BOOM. i cant wait for the rest man!!!

JERRY YAN
WU ZUN
LUO ZHI XIANG
WU ZUN'S BRO FROM ROMANTIC PRINCESS

SO HOT. hahahah AHHHHHHHHHHHH need more shows like that man

:) IM A HAPPY GIRL

CRAZY

i dunno what is wrong with me.

why is it that i choose to shut myself from my own feelings? until i can't take it and go crazy.

i need someone who can help me out of this.

interesting night

had a very interesting dinner last night.

it was as though i saw my dad.
almost.

but this was just worse.

imagine a typical ah beng. SERIOUSLY. a typical SINGAPOREAN ah beng.
who is a dad. with a typical ah lian wife
who has 3 kids
who all learn from them.

what is the result?

NIGHTMARE.

cos i was sitting alone for dinner then i took up a table for 4 what. so i usually share with others who need a place to eat also.

so happen that they came along and asked if they can seat. i was like ok. i mean so long you guys can fit in lah. i wont mind.

THEN they started shouting and scrambling around. goodness gracious me.

i probably will never meet people like them for another 17 years of my life.

the kids were cute too. except for the youngest. the way he eats is GROSS. he puts his spoon on the table and uses his hands to eat. then picking up the sponn when he need it. so unhygienic.

both his sister was cute though. they were like explaining why he was taking his sister's food. hahah DAMN CUTE CAN

ok.. back to today then. SOMEONE didn't reply my msg. irritating. anyway that person is not a guy. hahha

wanted to do some stuff today. BUT everyone has a date. HAHAH so im all alone now.
OH WHATEVER. hahah i can watch all the dramas i want and like study a bit. havent really gotten around the studying part.

actually ABBY asked me to go to NDP show with her. she got extra ticket lah... but i didnt want to go cos of the crowd. i'll like suffocate lah. hahha now i kind of regret it cos it's so boring knowing that everyone is having fun while you're at home. OH WELLS. what to do.

OHOHOH i didnt know that there's someone who is in my lecture group who stays at boon lay. i think so. hahha cos saw him board at boon lay. but weird thing is that he got off at outram. was thinking should i like talk to him. HAHAH but im not like NICOLE TAN. so i decided not to. maybe if i bump into him on the train like ALOT of times. hahah if not so weird. only thing i want to ask is like why he also so crazy choose tp when he stays just as far. HHAHAH

feeling lonely

why do i always feel like there's no one for me. losing contact with those i used to be very close with. i just hate this. no matter how hard i try to be closer to someone, to be a better friend, it never works out.

why is it that im always the one making the effort?

only one is always and forever there for me, God.

feng le feng le

i just got really hooked onto this song. it has the nicest melody to it.

卓文萱 疯了疯了

七六五四三二一
倒数一句我爱你
我的世界因为你
而开始透明
就让我沉沉睡去
从此不想你的名
越到夜里你的笑容
就越清晰
疯了疯了睡不着
我的心噗通的跳
我的世界因你
全部颠倒
醒着睡着都在笑
爱情戒不掉
你应该明了
你应该知道
疯了疯了睡不着
你的笑有多美妙
我的世界请你
紧紧抓牢
你的爱到底多少
我也不知道
你应该明了
你应该知道
一二三四五六七
追我的人很多滴
我的世界因为你
而全面封闭
多说一句我爱你
又不会要你的命
想要生气
却不敢随便生气
疯了疯了睡不着
我的心噗通的跳
我的世界因你
全部颠倒
醒着睡着都在笑
爱情戒不掉
你应该明了
你应该知道
疯了疯了睡不着
你的笑有多美妙
我的世界请你
紧紧抓牢
你的爱到底多少
我也不知道
你应该明了
你一定都知道
疯了疯了睡不着
你的笑有多美妙
我的世界请你
紧紧抓牢
你的爱到底多少
我也不知道
你应该明了
你一定都知道

REALLY LOVE THIS SONG :)

ON REPLAY

EMO EMO

im being stupid now. sitting at the sports complex at THIS time(7pm) when i can actually be at home now.

the reason?

cos i want to go to my aunt's house instead and stay over.
COS THEY HAVE TV.

IM LIKE DAMN DEPRIVED OF TV. there is absolutely nothing for me to do at home. at least at my aunt's house i can watch tv. i totally feel like im rotting at home.

I WANT A TV.
actually tv is good in some ways lor.

i dont read the newspaper, so i can watch the news on TV and get updated on what is going on around the world.

it gives your family something to talk about, somewhere to gather.

ERM........ ok that's all i can think about.

i feel like im such a 2 faced bitch sometime. OK RANDOM.

anyway... MEL. just read your xanga. i feel so super lost contact with you lah. im very very upset now. we haven't go out together for such a long time. HAVEN'T HAD MEANINGLESS TALKS THAT GOT MEANING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.

I MISS YOU.

poly and all schools are out to ruin friendships i tell you. THEY ARE IN CAHOOTS.

PETER don't you miss my rambling?! HAHAHAH havent catch up with you for SO SO long too. even longer than mel. STUPID BUSY BIG SHOT. cannot even go to your house and bake somemore. I WANT TO BAKE COOKIES LAH. and bathe your doggies. hahha

i feel quite empty now. just wondering why is my life feeling so meaningless.

cos im not close to GOD now? cos i don't spend my time on him?

ok i will. i will try to and hopefully see a turn.




exams are coming up in like 2 and a half weeks. im pretty worried i'll screw up this time.
NO I WON'T

COS IM GOD'S SMART LITTLE PRINCESS. im sure i'll do well if i put in my best effort and when GOD IS WITH ME.



I CAN DO THIS MAN! ohh of course to EVERYONE ELSE cos we're ALL God's little children.

:) SMILE. because he is.

golden rule

i have something i really want to blog about today. it's this topic that kind of bugged me this week.

to me, i think that there's this like unsaid golden rule between girls that SHOULD not be broken. i thought it was like a widenly known thing. I GUESS NOT.

the UNSAID GOLDEN RULE?

to not go near or be real close with the guy your friend crushes on.
i guess it's this tendency for people to get jealous, straining relationships.


WHAT IF THAT GUY FALLS FOR YOU?
WHAT IF THE GUY HATES YOU FRIEND BUT IS REAL CLOSE TO YOU?

what if?

have you ever thought of your friend's feelings? if it was another girl whom your friend doesn't even know, it wouldn't hurt her that bad.

BUT THIS PERSON IS HER FRIEND.

WHO KNOWS SHE LIKE HIM.

use your heart to think the next time you hit on a guy.
sort of a message to a particular person.

absolutely doesn't concern me in the picture. but just feel angry on the behalf of someone else. even though that someone isn't.

CRAZY LIFE

i haven't updated in quite a while cos it's all just ranting of fustrations.

basically, had 2 test this week f&b and comm skills. BOTH WAS BAD. gosh i need to work DAMN hard for my exams. OR ELSE I'LL DIE.

anyway i got such a shocking news. those who know where i work, i got a collegue, also a part timer that i always work with. SHE GOT BANNED FROM WHERE I WORK. and for what reasons?

cos she got caught using her phone in the STAFF lift AFTER WORK by the GM. im not naming any places or name here in case got problems. BUT what the hell lah. it's after work lor. what the hell do you want right.

IF I COULD I SHOUT IN THE GM'S EAR. I WOULD. what the hell lah. work's over lor.

BREAKING APART

IM GONNA BREAK DOWN AND CRY ANY MOMENT. why is it SO tough. i know it's partly my fault also. but still. after like almost 2/3 months i still cant adapt. i still feel like im screwing up.

I HATE MY LIFE.
I HATE ME

WHOOOOOOOO connect echo has taken place. damn.. but the separating part :(



anyway guess what. the moment step into wow hall, i see SAMSON. ok i never blogged about him but he's this kid that WHOLE day like to disturb me. he finds it amusing. and as you can guess...... he started disturbing me.



TAKE MY PHONE
TAKE MY WALLET
TAKE MY SLIPPERS
TAKE MY BAG
TAKE THE THINGS IN MY WALLET THEN RETURN ME MY EMPTY WALLET



it was crazy ok. like a maniac screaming at him trying to get him to return my stuff... eventually it's like CONNECT CAMP REPLAY.



hahha but i really feel at home with connect camp peeps.



OHH and i like my group. hahha every fun lor. we are the Js. hahah cos our group got a lot of pple with names starting with J and JESUS. hahha i love the 'longest' game. HAHAH my hair which is usually of not much good use since it's so DRY, was actually of some use today. HAHAHH cos of the length. *look like a crazy idiot pull hair from both sides of head* hahah but FUN FUN FUN.



ohh the loudhailers have a tradition.

TO ATTACK SHAUN WITH OUR VOICE THE MOMENT WE ARE GATHERED AND SEE HIM.

i added law in to. HAHHA ohh and shaun has his own 'shield' hahha his *CLURCK* thing. lousy lah compared to our voices :)



OHHHH guess what. SAMSON can be nice too. hahha he actually bought me a can of drink when i was busy whining to get others to give me some of their drink/ treat me to one. hahah i didn't ask him lor.



got this very sweet video that one lecturer showed during lecture. DAMN CUTE LOR

hahah im such a smart girl i think

HAHAHHAHA i know alot of you are like NOOOOO

anyway.. this is my busy week man.. this calander excludes meal times and the time i need to study for my upcoming class test and travelling time :(

i hope you can actually see it. NICOLE, MINYI, ZHI WEI, SARAH!!! here's your schedule. HAHHA tried sending but it failed pathetically. hahah. OHH the most impt part.

and

WHOOOO hahah i still think im so smart.. hahha CONNECT ECHO IS TMR. how exciting. CANT WAIT TO SEE EVERYONEEE :)

updates

this week has been relatively good.

GOD works in wonderful ways. ways that you can never imagine.
i can never keep track on the projects i have to do and all the datelines. on friday night however, as random as it can get, i suddenly remembered that i have RHT project due today. but at that point of time i was damn sleepy so i just thought 'damn. i'll just go to sentosa after the lunch meeting with sec friends.' and i just fell asleep. the next morning, i PULLED myself out of bed and called my other grp mates to remind them about the project and told them that i was going to senota at 4. then.. when it came to telling nicole, she was like mad at me.

then came a BIGG arguement.

when we were on the way to sentosa we didnt't talk at all. but when we slipt ways to start on our surveys, both of us paired up and we HAD to talk. haahha but everything turned out fine after we talked.

SENTOSA IS DAMN NICE LAH. i havent been there for such a long time.. I WANNA GO BACK THERE TO PLAY.

ohhh im quite happy. i saw my grade for intHT project. the one on NYNY and i got B+ :) im a happy girl. at least it wasnt the worst i had imagine.

and comm skills project is done.. we managed to fix our F&B and now just macroecons. YAY. OHHHHH still got RHT and F&B test.. so much but i finally feel what it's like to have GOD in control. it's just good.

TENNIS IN TP

GUESS WHO'S HERE BESIDE ME IN TP?

NICOLE CHOW. imagine her in tp lah.. hahha so rare right. but she didnt come for me lah obviously. hahah she came for TENNIS. and now she's ignoring me for tennis even though im like staying FOR HER. IM SO NICE CAN.

today was really not a very good day for me. it's like as though everyone was releasing stress out on me. im just thinking too much but it's a girl's instinct thing lah.. and not to mention the out of sight out of mind thing didn't work out today although it's suppose to work out since i didn't see him.

im gonna go crazy at this rate.

anyway.... F&B was scary today.. hahah mr chia is like always moody at the start of the day. and saying moody, IT'S REALLY SCARY. but it always gets better with time. HAHAH and the PBL went well.. he was alot better than ms mariah telling us our mistakes guiding us back to the right track. THANK YOU SO MUCH. it makes me feel less stressed out.

i just realised im really quite tennis dumb. HAHAH i have absolutely no idea what the hell they are talking about sometimes.

BETTER OFF ALONE

great song i think. she has SUCH a great voice.

it really hurts

it hurts so bad.
even though i have no idea. it's that uncertainty that kills me.
i wish i never knew him. it'll be a hell lot better

out of sight out of mind----FAILED

mission out of sight out of mind failed.
HOWHOW?

anyway, today marks the last day of APEL. it was the most lively lesson lah. we had to present the eulogy we wrote for ourselves. so this was mine. didn't really do it properly cos had to rush so that i could start discussing F&B project.

so if i die. this is what i hope to hear. hahah

grace was a capable women, able to handle both work life and family life, being sucessful in work and also family oriented. she was also a committed servent or God, being a testimony of God with her actions.
she has always been more than willing to help others within her means, being well liked wherever she goes. she was also a cheerful girl even in the times where she felt the lowest. she also gives a listening ear to those who needed it and bring back a smile to their faces.
she will be missed dearly by her family and friends but she is now back with the Heavenly father and at peace.

i hope this is really what becomes of me in the future :)

im so sick of afternoon lessons lor. SUPER DRAINING can. couldn't understand anything during RHT lecture and i was SOOOO sleepy. i was trying to sleep but i couldn't. then i tried to wake up but i couldn't either. so i ended up being half awake and half asleep. sucks lah... like you got no control over your mind and body.

WHOOOO gonna go collect my pay later. i hope got ALOT ALOT cos i need to get some stuff the requires money. but i hope they don't bug me to work.

OH OH i got 2 blister! one on each of my foot. at the back, you know when you wear court shoes. sucks lahhh super pain lor. one burst then it's REALLY REALLY painful. the other one just feels watery. EWWW ok. im just gonna use that as an excuse to not work. HAHAHAH hopefully it succeeds :)

DONT THINK DONT THINK DONT THINK.

out of sight out of mind

WHOOOOO hahah im with abby now! :) and she wants me to say that SHE'S THE BEST. hahah had a nice talk and crazy laugh with her over stuff. hahah she was so guai can. actually doing her work. seeing her do math and looking through her bio notes, i suddenly remembered how sec school was like and i REALLY missed it.

OHH story of the day.
i was in the rush to get out of the house cos i knew i was going to be late and i changed without my contacts on. so i wore my shirt inside out and i didnt even realise it until i was waiting for the mrt. suddenly it was like WHY I GOT A TAG STICKING OUT FROM MY SHIRT? then i check the seaming. CRAP... inside out. and i couldnt change lor cos running late then i quicking put on my jacket trying to hide the tag on the back and the tag sticking out from the side. HAHAHAH seriously all the weird weird funny funny things happen to me.

im quite upset over something but im gonna try to let go of it slowly. im sure i got God's help. OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.

OUT OUT OUT YOU GO

that's more like it :)

dreaded day..

AT LAST MY PRESENTATION WAS OVER.

THANK GOD.
even though i still cant really let go of it, i know i can't do anything to it and i have other projects to care about. have to move on.

i don't even know what to say about the presentation. i was scared out of my nerves before our turn cos kezia's grp was super confident and was so prepared. just kept reading the verse edwin sent me to calm myself down.

'in christ alone, i place my trust, and find my glory in the power of the cross, in every victory, let it be said of me, my source my strength, my source of hope, in christ alone.'

anyway there was something i meant to post a long time ago but i never got around to doing it. the last time i felt damn depressed about the project, while i was on my way home ALONE, i suddenly received an sms that was just super like a miracle can. from my friend that i haven't had time to catch up with. and that sms was from YILING! just want to let you know how much that sms meant to me at that point of time.

i just lost my mood for blogging :( im tired anyway and have to go school early for make up class. damn.

I AM OFFICIAL EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.

AND BROKE UNTIL CANNOT BROKE.

my mum expects me to pay for what she should be paying. and not like i didn't TRY to spend less but money is still flowing away in some other form when i cut down on eating. DAMN IT. i am super super duper not looking forward to tmr. that damn presentation. i just want to get it done and over with. i want to do well but i highly doubt so.

GOD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO PULL THROUGH AND THE COURAGE TO FACE IT
i really really need it. not just for that presentation, for my life.

i really really really need to organise my life. i dunno what the hell is happening to me. too overwhelmed with happenings of my life? it's like everyday is a drama for me. let's just recap what happened this morning

i slept at 430 this morning after washing up from work. was deciding whether to sleep or just stay awake till morning but i was TOO tired so i slept. i set my alarm at 7 BUT i woke up only at 1045 with a phone call of my friend.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING AT HOME AT THIS TIME ON A MONDAY? im suppose to be in school having a boring lecture. i was so angry with myself. this is like the 2nd time i didn't go for macroecons and happens that these topics are quite complicated. I AM SUCH A IDIOT. then i had to reach school asap cos i had to attend the grp discussion for our presentation tmr. but you know considering i stay at the other end of singapore and the long time i need to get out of the house, i decided to take a cab to buy back time that i wasted through sleeping. i took $10 from my sister without telling her(which i feel damn bad for but i really had no more money) and took the cab. HEARTPAIN you know. the meter jump so fast and ionly had $17 on me. i was desperately praying that it would stop at $17 but it went up to $20. so i asked clement if he was free to come and save me. HAHAH in case the uncle was unreasonable over that few dollars. happened that the uncle was damn nice to let me off after i emptied my whole wallet.

SO I WAS REALLY BROKE
and i havent even ate or drank anything.
and i just started on the project.
WORK TAKES MIND OFF HUNGER.
anyhow, i managed to tahan until 4 on an empty stomach.
HOW PRO RIGHT. then i had no choice but to borrow money from nicole. I HATE BORROWING MONEY.

MONEY SUCKS.
yes it really does.
the way it tries to kill me.

SO THAT WAS MY MORNING. how drama.

let me be a bit happier.

hahah ok. lets see what good things i have done these few days.
i........... skipped a total of 750 times. so i've made some organisation donate 75 bowls of rice:)
i........... learnt to give up my seat to those who need it more
i........... started to take notes during sermon
i........... decided to start a prayer book. HAHHA my own lah. to thank HIM if he answered my prayers
i........... got a new laptop
i........... finished my project
i........... CUT DOWN ON SPENDING SO MUCH ON FOOOD

my week was good on the bright side.
let's.......... just look at that only how bout that.

NOOOO i need to complain

ok. SOOO for the record. i got 2 classes cancelled in one week. at the last min. ***CLAPS*** who can get luckier than me man. and GUESS WHAT. i wasn't even informed EVEN when they knew i stay the furtherest and they knew it like super early.

i felt so left out that moment. those that i trusted will inform me, didn't.
even when i was like practically the last person to find out, i still worried that my friends didn't know.

then who cared about me?

you're all gonna find me in a depressed state soon.

i find that all my friends are drifting away. friends are suppose to make the effort to compromise aren't they? why is it that i am always the one compromising?


i can't wait till i find that someone who can be there for me no matter what. I NEED THAT

oh on a happier note. i got an A for macroecons and 33/40 for POM. dunno what grade is that and i can't be bothered to go find out how to calculate it. YAY but still academics is just academics. i need my life.

SIGHHHHHHH :(

I WANT TO MOVE OUT.
i really want to.

i hate her. i hate how she likes to find fault with me when i am trying my best.
i hate how i am restricted financially, i hate me for who i am.

sometimes i just think that maybe i would be better off as a mute or a deaf person. then she wouldn't be able to find faults with me.

i know i shouldnt be saying all these but i just cannot take it sometimes. i want to have my own family, one that can be like regular warm family.

i hate the fact that MONEY breaks up my whole family.
splitting of inheritance, problems that make us cranky, greed of earning more that takes all my time.

i just don't know what to do. i don't know what she wants. i dont know what HE wants and plans.


26He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.--- was it meant for me?

im afraid of the world.

even though i feel like i am growing spiritually small steps at a time, falling and picking myself up with the help of friends, more and more problems are thrown at me one after another. maybe he's testing me.

give me a way.

this is gonna be damn emo.

i feel like hiding from the whole world right now.
the stress from time that past and cannot be turned back
the impending dateline
the helplessness im feeling now since i can't view a single thing on this com
and that someone

i want to go back to the father and only see him. but i know that would only be not facing the challenge he has given me that he knows i can overcome. i just feel so messed up in the head that i don't even know what to do. it doesn't help when im feeling so confused over matters of the heart.

GOD JUST SAVE ME.

im really helpless now. tell me what to do. give me directions.

IM LOST

started the day off really bad today.

1st i forgot my thumbdrive and there was a discussion that was to be graded but by then it was too late to go home. then on my way walking into school, my necklace broke.

then went to com lab to go refind for the articles cos i know where to find then had trouble printing then my friend accidentally shut down the com.. my other friend said nvm cos got history so i was like OH YA HOR.. then when the com on again the history was not recorded. so i had to look for it again then send to my email.

anyway after that when we had break and went to do our intro to ht grp project i suddenly felt so depressed cos it's like as though our project never really moved at all from the start to now. i dunno what to do and how to do.

projects just ruined my life.

can't believe it's gonna cont for the next 2 and a half years...

IM SAD.


listen to this song.. got it from dawn's web.




The thing about love
Is i never saw it coming
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise
And now there’s a voice inside my heart that’s got me wondering
Is this true, i want to hear it one more time
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
Say it again
Thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there’s no end in sight
The thing about me is that i really want to let you
Open that door and walk into my life
Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder
Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love
And it feels like it’s the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name
Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i’m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It’s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you’re in love

Say it again (x9)

When you tell me you’re in love…
Say it again
Ohhh...Ohhhhhh

i wish

i pon POM lecture again.. my goodness i hope i wont be so lost tutorial. anyway, im seriously glad im still surviving poly cos with the amount of blurness i have, i don't know how many more times this kind of thing will happen to me.

first, i couldnt find my timetable. then after the LONG 2 weeks break, i absolutely cannot remember what subjects i have today so i anyhow pick the textbooks to bring. then turns out i brought extra textbook and my bag was damn heavy.

2nd, i was reminded by my friend on the bus that there was PBL consultation 3. AND I FREAKED OUT. i mean i knew of it but it slipped my mind cos i didnt have my timetable. but when the consultation started, it turned out pretty well.. maybe cos we were the first group and the teacher was in a good mood so it wasn't that bad. and we came up with ideas on the spot. HAHAHA which was good lah.

3rd, i found out that we were suppose to do in total 4 articles instead of 2. so i was like CRAP. that's when i decided to skip lecture and do my analysis. but i didnt do much before sarah's laptop batt flat(she didnt bring charger). so i was left with absolutely nothing to do and nobody to be with me. then suddenly like got no friends. HAHAHAH so i just read a book(also about a person with no friends HAHAHAH what luck) then when i was absorbed into the story, my friends called me cos the lecture was over.

soo.. that was my day. haha OHHH i saw wan zhen for the 1st time in school. hahha STARED at her for a while before she noticed me.

tmr must go school earlier to discuss project.. i never reseach on whatever im suppose to. HHAHAH i'll just randomly propose something lah.

to further prove how screwed my body clock is, i couldnt sleep at 2am ytd. so tossed and turned until maybe 3am then fell asleep. the suppose to wake up at 6am so that i wont rush and end up forgetting things that are very important for my report that has to be submitted today BUT i didnt hear it so onlt woke up at 630. ended up rushing anyhow. then went for to school at the usual time. as per normal, the train was crowded that i was praying for a seat cos i was still feeling sleepy. then i saw a girl, seating down, holding a SP book. hahah so i knew she would be getting off at dover so i stood like infront of her. HEH HEH. and i got my seat. so i slept....... then when i finally woke up with a call from my friend, i looked at the clock on my phone and 8.45????? i shouldnt even still be on the train at 845!! then the train also like suddenly FILLED with pple. which shouldn't happen if im nearing tampines... so i waited for the announcement. PAYA LEBAR.

MY GOODNESS. how stupid can. i slept all the way to pasir ris and NO KIND SOUL woke me up. ok fine maybe they tried. and then the train went past tampines again and to paya lebar. SOOOO i was late. ONCE AGAIN. how not surprising right. when i finally reach tp, it was like 930. i totally didnt want to go into the lecture hall lor. SO EMBARRASSING LEH. everybody will be looking at you. but you see being such a good girl (HAHA), i still went in. AND YEA. EVERYONE LOOKED AT ME. then once i sat down, KS was like 'no wonder i felt like something's missing.' hell funny KS. then on my other side was Alister, whom i didnt notice cos i was busy making myself look at the floor to save myself from embarrassment. he also!! right after KS made his statement, he's like 'Grace, you very early hor.' and still look at his watch. i was like ' LONG STORY.'

yes. joke of the day. laugh all you want. laughter is the best medicine :)

my body clock is seriously screwed up lah.
on friday, i went to mel's house to do my work cos need to borrow her laptop. so i worked through the whole night and only slept at 6 plus when i reached home.
then i woke up at like 11 to prepare to go for work. sucked lah.. work starts at 5 and i have to go there at like 130 to bring new pple there. and im not even getting paid extra. GUESS WHAT. pple can be so irresponsible. just because they think that it's so damn early, they decided to be late and dont even call to tell us. making us look like a big loser waiting for like 1hr at orchard.

i was feeling so tired when work started but i was amazed at how i was able to memorise EVERY COURSE of the menu.. hahah cos i was like brain dead due to lack of sleep. then i think cos i so long never work already, my back and legs was aching like crap. then after the event, i had to carry all the centre pieces away and its SOOO heavy can. i carried like at least 8. then from then on, my mood became REALLY bad and i was using the f word, which i know i shouldn't be using but i really couldnt help it. i was supposed to end work at 1 but guess what. cos im such a hard working girl and i dont look at the time while working, i worked past 1 and by that time the transport would have already left and had to stay till 2.. that made my temper worse cos nobody even called for the 1am staff. SIGH.. what i get for being hardworking.

then when i could finally go home, there were so many pple on the same transport route that i reached home at 4am. was so tired on the van lah but couldnt sleep properly.. was half-awake and half-asleep. throughout the whole journey, both kairul and i were half-wake half asleep. then he keep leaning onto me, so i just shoved him away saying in that sleepy tone 'kai! you damn heavy lah' hahah and i kept knocking my head on the window. after we finally woke up, i couldnt sleep anymore but i kept disturbing him cos he still wanted to sleep.

reach home at 4 then still have to bathe and wash my hair so ended up sleeping at 530 and woke up with ABBY'S call at 1045. RUSHED out of the house in 5mins and made my way to TPYM. reached there late and couldn't call abby, or shaun. so being so helpless and unfamiliar with the environment, i just followed the sound of worship and went to their sanctuary. i thought it was the right one but could find anyone i knew then someone came up to me and asked if i was looking for shaun then brought me to where TPYM was having their service.

i like their service. like it's really for the youngsters and it is the same pple that take up roles to serve god, which in my church, you can easily hid from it cos there are always older pple who seem more capable of doing a better job.

then we had lunch and dawn met us and went back to church. then i started on my reports while most of the others had exco meeting. after all the meetings, and i had completed my reports, we( suzanne, abby, jacob, clement, shaun, ling hui , jolene and me) went to eat dinner. we went to FOOD ADDICT and we met bonnie and lawrence. actually the place is bonnie's sister's so not surprising to see bonnie there i guess. then law and bonnie are one family, extended family. hahah another explaination. hahah should be correct if i didnt hear wrongly. hahah DINNER WAS GREAT LAH.. realised how funny jolene is. she's very cute can and motherly. and it's a COMPLIMENT. really.

ohhh best part of dinner.

they decided to play a joke on me cos i ordered cake. i was wondering why the cake so long then i see shaun and law SNEAKILY hiding the cake. at first i thought it was meant for law's mum i think cos it's her birthday but we already sang her a song just now and she had her cake liao. so i thought maybe 2nd round or something

then they headed to our table then everyone STARED at me and started to sing a birthday song. i was like WHATTTTTTTT.. hhaha and they wanted me to play along with them lor. take photo happily like it's my birthday today.then still must cut the originally small cake into 8 pieces. OHH then i gave everyone one piece and suzanne ate the cake then suddenly she gave that damn shocked look and everybody looked like thay just remembered something. she's lactose-intolerant. kept asking her to spit it out but she didnt want to. she said she'll get a stomach ache when she takes things with milk... hope she's fine..

im tired of typing liao.. haha got ALOT more lor.. maybe tmr..

just a reminder for myself.
serving, is ultimately for God. you must know why you are doing it and even so, do it with a humble heart and all.
there is no such thing as a better role or what someone can take in church
whether you are the one wiping the floor after service or the speaker, they are each serving God in their own ways.
it is only through this where we all function as various parts, that we form a body with a head that is led by Christ
- Shaun tan. :)

I DUNNO HOW TO DO A STUPID NEWS ANALYSIS. and i just remembered i have a damn sample at home.. so im just waiting till the stupid buses start operating.. now i lost my sleep but my body is so so so so tired.. how am i gonna go work? i've decided to like quit or at least put my feet down and say NO WORK WHILE SCHOOLING.. its too hard. JUST MURDER ME NOW.. BOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

IM SO TIRED.. my body is and my eyes are. and im hungry...

i still need to finish my stupid reports. im not even done with one yet.. GOSH.. kill me.. then i got work also tmr... wa lao. i super dont want to go lor.. whole day call me to go work.. i mean i want to money but its really nerve wreaking to go work when you know you got project due and you're not even done with those yet.. i totally don't need to sleep lor.. then tmr suppose to start work at 5 but they freaking want me to be there by 1.30 an i need 2 hours to prepare to get out of the house so meaning i need to be awake by like 11am.. i super can don't need to sleep lor cos once i sleep confirm cannot wake up one. then working til 1 am then got church the next day.. anyway this week not going to my church.. going to tp.. then can see CONNECT CAMP FRIENDS!!! hahah ABBBBBBYYY.. hahah totally miss them.. then shaun can help me to insert some random graphs into my report so that it looks like got more substance.. HAHAAH good impression at least.. hahah

at mel's house and she's sleeping like a PIG.. hahah anyway she ought to since it's official 'sleeping time' but she told me to wake her at 12.45 lor... and she didnt want to wake up. hahahah pigpigpigpig

i realised that i know alot of pple but i always find it hard to continue talking to them.. then end up being so distant...

OH WELLS. i should get back to work..
ouch my butt and back hurts from sitting to long

:(

i wish i could always stay as a child. i wish to go back to the protected world i once had in school. at least the problem i had now seems so small and harmless. i miss the times.

darn... don't have much nice photos.. it's so hard to even meet up altogether.. probably next outing then..

when PRINCESS RACHEL ONGY comes back.. hahah i wonder if she'll have some accent. hahahah

and of course a new group of girl friends i have made recently

have the cutest one and the most thoughtful one. hahaha then plus me the loudest one. hhahahah

i hate myself for how i am.





im extremely upset now. MEL WHERE ARE YOU!!!!!

i seriously hate projects.. gosh it's so draining can.. thank goodness i started early and have such a kind hearted senior to help me...

SHAUN! thank you so much. i wouldn't know what state my projects would be in now if i didnt know you. and im really thankful for your patience with me.

gonna go on my 'field trip' later.. pulled my lazy butt out of bed so that i would be fully prepared for my field trip later on.. hahah NEW YORK NEW YORK! HMMMM just thinking about it and im hungry hahhah

is he the one?

i really thought he was the one but then again... maybe not.

what if history repeats itself?

give me some sign please







anyway i wanted to continue with my previous post about what happened on the way back home from camp but i kind of just lost that 'thing' for writing about that.. so if you want to know just ask me.



anyway working ytd was a blast.. hahah it was fun and boring at the same time.. seriously i think every customer had a good laugh at my almost gone voice that was sometimes high, sometimes low, and sometimes gone. hahaha the small boss wanted me to play foosball with him cos he was bored and i was too. hahah i totally didnt want cos i have BAD coordination, anyway i just played and i won by 2 -1. hahahah then i stopped playing cos i lost my voice from trying to scream cos i couldn't block the ball.. hahah..



i got 2 projects due when school reopen. what am i suppose to do???? ah... everything blur blur. i hate poly life.



give me an answer. show me some signs

i NEED to declare this!!!!

CAC CONNECT CAMP IS THAT BEST CAMP I EVER HAD SO FAR!!!

God answered so many many of my problems i had before i went to the camp..

1. had some friends problem in my class previously and GOD PUT 3 OTHER AMAZING GIRLS IN MY GROUP.. so much in common with them.. it's like every thing that we randomly talk about, some of us ever experience the some thing before also or like we TOTALLY can relate to it. had great, deep heart to heart talk with every one of them.




2. was thinking how i cannot find anyone to talk to about in school who can give me advice or listen to me and keep reminding me of God but i met 2 seniors(shaun and wan zhen) in the camp of HTM course also and in tp.. hahah and had a great and loooooong talk with shaun just now.




3. about my recent idea of not letting our cell group continue being in cliques and encouraging pple to take an extra step to know other pple, God showed me the big difference if our church was not in cliques.. and it is really amazing




4. i haven't actually been listening to sermons much.. more like not paying attention and God brought such a wonderful speaker to speak at the camp, letting me bring back alot with me and think alot about what holy communion really meant, which more often than not i just do for the sake of doing.




5. i have been praying alot for the right guy that is meant for me to appear but i 'didn't prepare for it' but through this camp, a particular workshop, 'how far can we go' really make me think about and 'prepare' for a relationship and what i should look for in a guy.




6. i've had money problems cos food in singapore is really TOO ex but in this camp i realised that BPMC chinese side probably received the largest subsidy but ate the same as everyone else and the food WAS JUST GREAT




7. i actually had some feelings like many pple dislike me but at this camp i realised that many pple accepted me for who i was even though im like really noisy. hahah and i learnt that i can actually have alot patience when pple make fun of me so i just hope i can have the same patience with my family since we are living together but it's already so hard now.. the moment i see my mum conflict arises again

i really made alot of friends from this camp, and i think i grew spiritually too.. i just pray that i can continue growing spiritually even though the camp ended and can maintain these friendships

anyway i gained a nickname '5 strips' due to a game we play. 'harry & mary' game. ok so this is how the game goes.. all the guys are called harry and all the girls are called mary. let's say you point to a guy, and say 'hi harry'. that guy's suppose to reply 'yes mary' to me. then i'll point to another person and say 'tell that to harry/mary'

SOUNDS EASY RIGHT?? but if you say/reply wrongly, you get a piece of masking tape on you.. can be any length and pasted anywhere on your body.. if you make one mistake and get a strip, your name is now 1 strip and so on..

don't think you can make so many mistakes right cos i mean it's just three diff sentences.. BUT i made 5 lahhh.. it started cos i was thinking that the game was boring then just aiya anyhow play.. so from 1 strip turn to 2 to 3 then finally 5.. the biggest loser lah hahah but it was fun lah and that's how our group name came about.. MUMMIES!!

then let's see.. 2nd day we had external activities.. even though our group didn't win much i think i had a lot of fun doing dumb things and letting pple laugh at me.the best part was getting wet lah although i wasnt really soaking wet. hhaha only my butt cos had to seat on the table to protect our ping pong ball. then everybody so wet walking to the bus stop and squeezing onto the same bus.. we stank up the whole bus lah.. hahah seriously..when on the way to have dinner, first time i talked to shaun.. hahah then he keep disturbing me cos i very high pitch and talk very fast.. very lame lor.. keep wanting me to rap cos i talk very fast.. he and clement gang up lor.. then make ABBY laugh like crap can... her whole face turned red, like gonna start crying..

OHHH and my bunk mate said that i grind my teeth on the first night but a lot of pple don't believe so ABBY came to sleep beside me and i told her to record the sound cos i never hear before myself cos it's a subconscious thing.. but the next day when i woke up she said it was like the sound of phone vibrating.. hahahah and she got scared.. cos it's like as though the bear preparing to eat you up. then the whole group keep making a joke out of it. hahah say what stuff twisties in my mouth, bite onto blanket.. hahah alot lah.. cannot even remember.

then also 3rd day we had free time for games in our camp grounds.. i didn't want to perspire so i played board games! i played 'the big TABOO' with dawn, jasmine and... er i forgot the last one.. oh no i was just talking to her before she went home... anyway me and dawn was a team and jasmine and the other girl was another team.. me and dawn SUCKED.. hahah we lost real bad.. but we had alot of fun from that game.. laugh until cannot play already...

ok im gonna end here for now cos im tired from typing.. hhah plus i got not much photos to upload..

this is a damn random thing i went to search..
hahhah pick up lines

" Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? "

" Say "I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you." and kiss her, then tell her you lost the bet. "

" I want to tell you your fortune. [Take her hand and write your phone number on it.] Your future is clear. "

" If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world. "

"If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer."

"You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!"

"If I had to choose between breathing and loving you.... I'd take my last breath to say "I Love You""

hahah that's all i could find that wasnt dirty but sort of sweet hahah
________________________________________________

MONEY IS MY ENEMY



seriously... im like totally not fated with it. i actually decided upon which laptop to get but now my mummy say not enough money... and it's like we just had a lot of conflict just now... mostly cos im not happy with the fact that we have not enough money..



not enough money for me to satisfy my cravings for food

not enough money for a new pair of shoes

not enough money for a laptop

no money in my piggy bank

probably not gonna have enough to go out and play for this holiday





the worst part is i cant even work part time cos now not much jobs available..



i really hate this feeling. cos in reality when you dont have money, there is nothing you can do..







but for now.. im gonna trust in you.. trust that you will provide for my needs

and i think you have already done so by sending me for a camp for the next 4 days so that i wouldnt be troubled by money problems..



lord, i know mainly it's my fault because i dont have good managing skills over my finances and falling into the temptations of my cravings something that is not even as real as you.. just help me in this area.. the area i am the weakest in. i just place all my needs in your hands because i really really do not know how to fufil them and i know you will provide whatever i need AMEN

ok got back from work like just now... it was

AMAZING

hahah it's been such a long time since i had been involved in such events... it was a WEDDING.
how long has it been since i had been involved in a wedding.. and NOT doing the VIP table?? hahah the only reason why i don't want to do VIP table for weddings is because there are alot of things you have to look out for and there are barely any good looking guys of our age to look at. hahahha

well good news today!!! ahahha so many good looking guys to look at. and plus SO MANY KIDS CAN.. my favourite lah.. i had 2 kids on my table.. the best lor.. and my partner wasnt that bad after all.. hahah he did most of the things while i was basically in the ballroom most of the time and i didn't even have to portion.. hahah my partner helped me and the captain helped me also. hahah

I FEEL SO LUCKY AND LOVED BY GOD.
only he can make such miracles happen

1st i was with KIARUL hahah i was praying so hard to let me be with kiarul cos anything i duno he can help me with it
2nd i got such a good partner
3rd oh ya i thought i was gonna be late but i reached like just on time, having enough time to eat and change
4th KIDS!!!!!
5th MANY MANY GOOD LOOKING GUYS FOR ME TO SEE
6th i was damn well liked by everyone.. HAHAH



dear lord, you really work things in your own way... i would have never imagined today to have turned out in this manner.. whatever that i thought would have got in my way today, you cleared it all for me. i feel you again.. maybe it was just me thinking that i couldn't feel you even if you were just next to me, that you were not listening to me.. but i'll try to learn.. learn to leave things in your hands, to your perfect plans... BUT COULD YOU JUST SEND ME MY PRINCE CHARMING PLEASE?AMEN


i discovered this song sang by danson tang and i think it's damn nice
listen to it...

BACK FROM CG17 RETREAT

ok basically it was a very short camp.. i reached church at like 6.30? and we started the bbq.. but i felt that this retreat didn't bring us together as CG17 at all... and very first sight was the guys and girls separating. which is damn obvious... then we had the quiet group and noisy group for the girls... i was at the quiet group.. hahah don't be too shocked cos at church i always belong to the quiet side..

anyway so i already kind of regretted going for the camp.. but after bbq, we watched a movie called 'Facing the Giants' which is a really good christian movie.. it's really touching... then we had night games which was relatively fun cos everyone was trying to get along and stuff. like there was actually effort put into it maybe cos we were suppose to go through the night games as a group? my group was ok.. just that my group members keep thinking im angry.. hhahahah

then we slept at 3+am.. we woke up this morning at 8?
anyway the part i really want to get it off my chest was when we broke out into groups for talentnight.. we were suppose to spilt according to our usual CG group.. however the number of members in each group was too different.. after we combine also cannot so we(grp leaders) decided to reshuffle everybody.. but there were so many pple whose attitude was so bad... and i was put in charge of briefing, but i felt really offended when i was explaining and this girl went 'yah yah yah.. next next.' i mean i wouldn't mind if she was joking but i couldn't tell that she was joking.. it's like i felt so disliked then.. i mean it has been like this most of the time.. i feel like however i act and whatever i do, nobody ever likes me for who i am.. it shouldn't be this way should it? it's a church.. the place i find comfort in.. but sometimes... i never feel that way...

but anyhow, my own group came up with brilliant ideas cos, duh, they have me. hahah and we actually had a lot of fun... i thought we had like at least a better bond even if it wasn't a BIG change.. and i think the other group had a good bit of fun too.. but at the end of the day we still broke up into our cliques.



dear lord, you know how it has been for me in church since young.. you know i suffered quite a bit for just merely liking someone and it still stays with me.. no matter what i do and how i have since changed, i still get that same kind of treatment.. i hate it. i really hate it. maybe the problem does not lie in those pple alone.. maybe in me too.. i really don't know.. if there is a problem with me, help me realise it and change it with your holy words.. let your words be deeply engraved in my heart so that no matter what happens i know you still love me and all that matters is you.
AMEN

i should have woke up at 7 but me, being such a tired and lazy pig woke up at 9 instead.. and i should be packing my bag but im here blogging instead.. let me think through my pack list first then

pack list for 2 days, 1 night
bring 2 shirts plus 1 im wearing
2 shorts plus one wearing
soap & shampoo & face wash
towel
undergarments
contact lens solution and cover
hair curler, nail clipper, nail buffer

did i miss out anything??? ok no. at least i dont think so

yesterday was a loooong day.. had my test at 9.. was freaking scared before the test cos i only slept 1 1/2 hours then i woke up to study all the way till seating for my paper.. damn tired then lah and my whole mind was blank then during the 10mins reading time.. open up the paper and WOAH the case study damn long lah.. and i got freaked out... but at least case study can at least anyhow crap a bit lah. ANYWAY IT OVER. haha

then i met nicole to go SHOPPING!
BUT i didnt buy any clothes cos nothing nice to buy.. actually got lah but it was like $110?! for a top in guess. for a stupid piece of cloth ok.. that top was more ex then this white pants i guess.. so weird..


im being forced to go work at GRAND HYATT on monday....
I DON'T WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i really dont like that place..
plus i'll have to portion the food which i haven't done in a million years.
im scared

anyway i should go off now cos meeting zi xiang to go get prizes for talentnight
dragging along my bag.. how sad. hahah see you guys in 2 days time!

i almost thought i saw my paper timing wrongly.. hahah oh wells.. i think i screwed up this paper also.. i couldn't finish in time and my mind was in a whirlpool... and now i need to cram for principle of management.. this is gonna be SO fun.. wish me luck man... i can't possibly screw up every single test.. i can't imagine what my GPA will be if this goes on.. i think i probably can forget about sleeping..

oh!!! i think that red bull really works. hahah

anyway off to start studying...

finally i came back to what i was suppose to do.. hahah start a new blog.. seems like im still lazy and too buzy to do this.. anyway i was suppose to be studying MACROECONS.. but i'm really bored now.. finished RHT test yesterday.. i think i screwed it up but ohwells.. it's over.. what can i do now.. my paper's at 3 tmr please pray for me.. i don't want my first semester to screw up.. i should get my butt back to studying.. had a long enough break..


FRIENDS PLEASE ASK ME OUT TO CATCH UP ON OUR LIVES.
I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!

i have decided to start a new blog because i think i'm drifting further and further away from my friends and i feel like i'm just living day by day with not much meaning.. hopefully i can reflect a bit about the life i have now in poly, which i truthfully still cannot really adapt to.